The new lyrics to the theme tune, from Mister Legs:
Dumb Tedium, tedium tedium
Dumb tedium tedium dumb
AAB, the: the Ambridge Ambulatory Bedroom (JustJanie)
Ablazing Grace: Grace Archer (joe)
Abominable Pheebs, the (not likely to be a PhD): Phoebe Aldridge (Bishop Cyril)
Acid-seed: Anisha Jayakody (Broken Arrow)
a clown called Alice: Alice Carter (bertfryup)
acne jerk: Anisha Jayakody (shell-like)
aDamian: Adam Macy and Ian Craig (catvirago)
Adama Neon: Adam Macy and Ian Craig (old macdonald)
Adil the Skedaddled: Adil Shah (Cider Shed podcast)
Adolf Titchner: Rob Titchener (ProphetTenebrae)
Adoxa: Susan Carter (eljay)
after dinner mint, giving someone an: euphemism for the sex act (said suggestively by Matthew to Pip, noted by QuietFlowstheAm, seconded by Disgusted of Tunbridge Wells)
AggroTimical: Tim Oatey (LogCabin)
Airfield Sisters, the: Miriam and Lulu Duxford (rosiet)
Akneejerk: Anisha Jayakody (joe)
Aldritches, the: the Aldridges (debbiedooda)
Alice Aforethought: Alice Carter (can't believe i utter)
Alicoholic: Alice Carter (pharoah hound)
Alidespair : Alistair Lloyd (strokecitydave)
Alligator: Alistair Llyod (trad., anon)
Ally-bally-bee: Alistair Lloyd (ProphetTenebrae)
Allwhine: Olwen Thomas (Broken Arrow)
Alush: Alice Carter (can't believe i utter)
Am-aggeddon: the Great Flood of 2015 (DracsM1)
Amber Archer: (much dreaded) fourth child of David and Ruth Archer (trad., anon.)
Ambilge: Ambridge (Fourthought)
Ambridge Ambulatory Bedroom, the: the spare room which suddenly appeared at Blossom Hill Cottage, and may also have been found in or missing from other houses (JustJanie)
Ambridge Spatial Minimising Syndrome: acquired by all magnates who enter the village, running a global business one minute, struggling to find biscuits in the local shop the next. (Ghost of Midnight)
Aniseed: Anisha Jayakody (Snarklehound)
Aniseed the vet: Anisha Jayakody (Snarklehound)
Amnesia: Anisha Jayakody (ProphetTenebrae)
Annie: Anisha Jayakody (Zunky)
Anthrax (Anthea the Battle Axe): Anthea Jennings (Flageolet Bean)
AO: Ambridge Organics shop (trad., anon.)
AOSB: Ambridge's Only Star Batsman: Rob Titchener (charmbrights)
Aporcalypse: what is bound to happen at Berrow Farm (gossipknightley)
Aporkalypse Now encompasses the fate of the porkers in the pig factory and the porkers that no doubt the persuasive Justin will tell about this enterprise when doing his PR.(gossip knightley)
APPs: more than one Grundy – Ambridge Permanent Paupers (dpbc)
Archeruptions: those moments when a is about to say something important, and b talks over a without listening, or c arrives and starts to witter, so that the important thing does not get said (catvirago)
Arrgh: Archer, Rosie Ruth Grace, Her (dipblodogus)
ArrgArcher: Rosie Ruth Grace Archer (dipblodogus)
Arsealot: Ursula Titchener (Zunky's son)
Arsula: Ursula Titchener (Foamrubberperson)
Auntie Cardboard: Christine Barford (trad., anon.)
Auntie Godzilla: Camilla Burnham (Broken Arrow)
Auntie Satire: Auntie Satya (Wynkyn de Worde)
auntie satnav: Usha's Aunt Satya, from her motorway habit (irene)
Baby Cheesus, the: Henry Archer (trad., anon.)
baby Gridiron: Gideon, Rob's chosen name for Helen's son (majorclanger)
BaconBoy: Tom Archer (Sturmey Archer)
Badger's Leap: Grange Spinney (trad., anon.)
Badly done (name), badly done: Reference to Rob saying this to Helen about the café
Bagfather, the: Rob Titchener (Aisling)
Baggy: Rob Titchener (Sturmey Archer) — not to be confused with Baggy of Baggy & Snatch
balsamic stare, a: ML equivalent of a Paddington Bear hard look, or a basilisk stare (trad., anon.)
Bandy Kneesborough: Mandy Beesborough (anon.)
Barista, the: Anna Tregorran (a barrister) (This Harming Man and wynkyn de worde)
Bartleblood: The Ambridge Elixir of Eternal Life. Keeps elderly Grungies, Archers and other cliched cast members functional for the indefinite future. (Broken Arrow)
Barwick Green: The Archers signature tune "dum di dum di dum di dum..."
Barwick Mondegreens: mishearings which become board Pravda through repetition without confirmation (joe)
Basketcase Farm: Bridge Farm ( ProphetTenebrae)
Baspoffai: Bastard Spawn of Fairbrother; Rosie Ruth Archer (RosieT)
Baspofred: Bastard Spawn of Redford; Adam Macy (RosieT?)
Baspofald: Bastard Spawn of Aldridge; Ruairi Donovan (trad., anon.)
Baster Babe, the: Henry Archer (trad., anon.)
batting for Darrington: euphemism for being gay, Darrington being "the other team" (trad., anon.)
BBTEB: Bring Back The Edit Button (a lot of people)
beach boys, the: Toby and Rex Fairbrother (irene)
Beating Fart, the: Pip Archer (because she is the Beating Heart Of Ambridge according to SO'C) (Migrantfrperson)
Beetle, The: Vanessa Whitburn (trad., anon.)
Benny and Clyde: Ben Archer and Ruairi Donovan ( leech peddlar)
BF: Bridge Farm. Or BrookField. Or Berrow Farm. They renamed the last one from Valley Farm just to confuse us all.
BFNI: Bridge Farm Nest of Idiots, Encompassing any or all of Pat & Tony, Tom, Johnny, Helen and Henwy, depending on context (Gus)
BFPB: the Bridge Farm Permanent Babysitters, Pat and Tony Archer (gossipknightley)
BFPZ, the: the Bridge Farm Petting Zoo (Tuna)
BHC ('Bloody House of Custard'): Blossom Hill Cottage (Marsh Gibbon)
Big Bapper: Brenda Tucker (trad., anon.)
Big-Ears and Noddy: Adam Macy and Ian Craig (Used2B)
Big Sock, The: Sean O'Connor (ProphetTenebrae)
bilemobile: a bile shed on a raft on wheels (Carriecat)
bile sheds: place for Mustardlanders to vent our spleen (inspired typo by Carriecat)
Bitchysnob: Ursula Titchener (Dun Diggin)
Black Widow, the: Elizabeth Pargetter (Broken Arrow most recently)
blamey: Amy Franks, from her habit of casting blame in the wrong directions (trad., anon.)
Bleak: Blake Goddard (ILoveShula)
bleating heart, the: Pip Archer (Redwick)
bleating tart of Ambridge, the: Pip Archer (Broken Arrow)
Blob: Rob Titchener (trad., anon.)
Bloody Hell Cottage: Blossom Hill Cottage (Walter Gabriel's Ghost)
Bloody House of Custard: Blossom Hill Cottage (Marsh Gibbon)
Bloton: Henry's mother is definitely a Bloton. (Lilian's twin, and see Spoton.)
BLT Bumptious Little Tosser – Tommy Archer (RosieT)
BLT: Bumptious Little Twat – Josh Archer (TufTanya)
BNY (Brookfield Nest of Yahoos): Inhabitants of Brookfield Farm (Gus)
Boarstal: the new pig-unit at Berrow Farm (Snarklehound)
Bodge Farm: Bridge Farm (Broken Arrow)
boiled sprats: the children of Archers and Aldridges (steenbok)
Bolter: Kate Madikane (nee Aldridge) (trad., anon.)
Bone'Ed: Ed Grundy (dipblodogus)
Bo Peep: Pip Archer (ayrshire-cowman)
Bo Pip: Pip Archer (Highland cow)
Borefather, the: Robin Fairbrother (joe)
Borefeathers, The: new name for the programme after the Fairbrothers take it over (joe)
Borrowers, the: the Bridge Farm Archers (leech pedlar)
Borsetshire Bleaugh: Helen's cheese (Aonghas)
bottoo: bottle; from Pip's pronunciation of the word (trad., anon.)
Boulder, the: Russ Jones. A cross between a bounder and a shoulder: a cad who pretends to be solid and dependable, someone you can safely burst into tears on (typo by Thingsthatmakeyougo..., explanation by RadioCereal)
BPS: balls per second, a unit for for TA script evaluation (joe)
Brahn: Brian Aldridge (pointed out by Quatermass)
Brain: Brian Aldridge (trad., anon.)
breeding tart, the: Pip Archer (Flageolet Bean)
briefcase/briefcasing — used as an expletive; a reference to when Matt Crawford tripped over his briefcase and muttered something which some listeners heard as a very rude word https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j2okU5r12ck
Brine: Brian Aldridge (trad., anon.)
Brino: Brian In Name Only (Christine Michael in the AmOb)
Brokefailed: Brookfield (trad., anon.)
Broody and Moody Ian Craig and Adam Macy (trad., anon.)
Brothers Grim, the: Miles and Rob Titchener (TottersBlanklyIntoBimboCore)
Brothers Grimm, the: Toby and Rex Fairbrother (irene)
Bruise: Bruce Titchener (Len Thomas)
BrünnHilda: Hilda the cat (Norwegian Blue)
Brusque: Bruce Titchener (rosiet)
buckfuddy: Toby Fairbrother in relation to Pip Archer, and vice versa (Snarklehound)
Bumble Buttock: Tumble Tussock cider (Snarklehound)
Bunter: Alan Franks, because he ate all the mince pies (Dusty Substances)
Bunny Boy, the: Russ Jones (said by Freddie Pargetter, 8/4/2019)
Burns of the Farmyard: Harrison Burns (Barwick_Green)
BVW: the Blessed Vanessa Whitburn. In October 2006, Vanessa Whitburn referred to users of these boards with the words 'bless 'em'. Posters still sometimes refer to this.
bypass, the: almost everything outside Ambridge is near it (trad., anon.)
Cabbage Patch Cottage: Honeysuckle Cottage (gossipknightley)
Cackle and Tackle: Lilian Bellamy and Justin Elliott (Stefania)
Cadbury Rosie: Rosie Ruth Grace Archer (Roxette)
Captain Crimplene: Roy Tucker (Mister Legs)
cardboard and hardboard Christine and George Barford RIP (trad., anon.)
Carol Toboggan: Carol Tregorran
carp: 'crap' was a word banned by the Profanity Filter. Still used occasionally (trad., anon.)
Carpet Burns: PC Harrison Burns (Minihohum)
Carthorse, Neil and Susan: Neil and Susan Carter (Fuzzypeg the hedgehog)
Carrotline: Caroline Sterling (Foamrubberperson)
Cartridges, the: Christopher Carter and Alice Aldridge, after their marriage (Chris Ghoti)
Cashsplassha: Natasha Archer (Broken Arrow)
casseroles: Jill's use of the casserole as a social weapon is noted (trad., anon.) "In a very real sense, the casserole is all around us" — Keri Davies
CATP complain about this post — see catpee (trad., anon.)
catpee: to press the exclamation mark at the top of a post to complain about it to the moderators; comes from CATP, "complain about this post" (trad., anon.)
cattoo, the: the cattle, in Pipspeak (trad., anon.)
CCC: Change Counting Club (for people who prefer change counting to melodrama)
Cecil B DeSnell: Lynda Snell in Director mode (joe)
Chalice: expected child of Chris and Alice Carter, which has been poisoned (MikeUniformMike)
Champion the WonderPip: Pip Archer (Gus)
change-counting: in the village shop; done for many years by Martha Woodford and then Betty Tucker, now (not often enough) by Susan Carter. It leads to the traditional saying: "Be the change you wish to count." (trad., anon.)
Chaz the Loan Goldfish: a character in Ambridge Extra who was a rather pathetic loan shark (SunnyakaSonny)
Châtelaine of Wittering Heights, the: Jennifer Aldridge (joe)
Check: Jack Woolley (pointed out by Quatermass)
cheesarium, the: the Bridge Farm dairy under glass (Aonghas)
cheeseblocked: creative mishearing of Kate telling Roy "your chi's blocked" (Simon)
Explanatory notes from more than one source: this may mean
1) A digestive dysfunction caused by cheese;
2) A form of punishment along the lines of being stoned, or as an alternative to waterboarding;
3) A banishment from a cheese-orientated organisation;
4) A defensive manoeuvre in a local martial art, colloquially known as Tai Cheese (see Ecky Thump for comparison);
5) A cognitive, emotional or spiritual discombobulation that interferes with the process of making cheese. (I'm sure the Bridge Farm crew could elaborate on this);
6) Like "wood-blocked", but with the print produced from carved cheese, rather than carved wood. A good Parmesan would be most durable, but a Brie, for example, would be both ephemeral and splodgy. The cheese would be an integral part of the artform;
7) A lung condition caused by excessive inhalation of cheese mould.
Cheesemaiden, the: Helen Archer (BurningTheToast)
Cheese Straw: Helen Archer (trad., anon.)
Chilli con Carnal: offered by Susan Carter to Neil Carter (1Eggor2; BoreOfWhabylon)
Chilli con Carne: offered by Susan Carter to Neil Carter when what she seemed to mean was sex.
chipolarcher: the offspring of Tom Archer (Tommy Sausage) and Kirsty Miller (binocular)
Chipolata Kid, The: Tom Archer (Mister Legs)
chiz chiz: a swindle; taken from the Molesworth books. Also "as any fule kno", ect. ect. (Geoffrey Willans)
Christopher Lancer Boyle : Christian Lancer Boyd, a farmer (Aonghas)
Chrysalis, the: expected child of Chris and Alice Carter (MikeUniformMike)
Chuckle Brothers: David and Ruth (trad., anon.)
Chuckle Brothers, the: Rex and Toby Fairbrother (pointed out by Joe K)
Chuckles McBroody: Ian Craig (Dr Toad Leg)
Chuckles, Chuckles O'Baster Ian Craig or possibly Ian Archer (Country Squire)
Chocolate Tea Pat: Pat Archer, usefulness of (Tomas_Bosque)
CIA, the: Central Intelligence Ambridge, Susan Carter (said by Susan on air, 14/3/2019)
Clarrieluv: Clarrie Grundy as referred to by her husband Eddie (trad., anon.)
clique: occasionally posters, particularly those who have been posting for many years and know each other, are accused of being in a clique. Not accurate. (trad., anon.)
Clueless Horsey Woman: Shula Hebden Lloyd (said by herself of herself, 20.9.2022)
CMD: Call Me Dan; Dan Hebden Lloyd (barwick_green)
CMR: Call Me Russ; Russ Jones (MikeUniformMike)
coat: "I'll get my coat" is said when someone has made a bad joke (trad., anon.)
Constable Bluebottle : PC Harrison Burns (Tuna Tuxedo)
Constable Carpet: Harrison Burns (Marsh Gibbon)
Constant In: Constantin the Busy Boy picker (Broken Arrow)
Control Knob, The: Rob Titchener (Epponn'knee-Rae)
Con?-Vince: Vince Casey (Ginger biscuits at the village shop)
Cookie Boy: Ian Craig (trad., anon.)
coral lorry: corollary (Fuzzypeg the hedgehog)
Cormorant: the common cormorant, or shag (trad., anon)
corncrake, the: Kate Madikane (anon. ? MidgetGemII)
Corpulant Porpoise, The Rev : Alan Franks (wynkyn de worde)
Costalot Cafe: the Bridge Farm Cafe, whatever it ends up being called (Foamrubberperson)
cowboy, the: Matthew Holman, according to Toby Fairbrother in the programme
Cowditz: the Berrow Farm megadairy
CRAP: Character-Related Amnesia Problem; what is going on in TA. "So if we comment on crap writing, we're making an almost academic Lit Crit point." (carrick-bend)
Creepycop, the: PC Harrison Burns
Creepy Copper, the: PC Harrison Burns
Creepy sex pest #1: Toby Fairbrother (ProphetTenebrae)
Crisis Clipboard, the: what Roy carries as the hotel blows up (Mister Legs)
Crispy Grace: Grace Archer (wynkyn de worde)
CryspyLynda: Lynda Snell (SturmeyArcher)
Crossty: Kirsty Miller (Lou's Funny Mummy)
Crouton, The: the baby of Kirsty Miller and Tom Archer (joe)
Cruella de Village: Peggy Woolley (Barwick_Green)
CSMKK, the: the Custard Stained Memorial Kitchen Knife (Miss Frog)
Cucumber Man: Ross Kirby, an Echo journalist who made some suggestive comment about the cucumbers at Ambridge Organics (trad., anon.)
Cursedy: Kirsty Miller (MikeUniformMike)
Cursety: Kirsty Miller (Chris Ghoti)
Cursula: Ursula Titchener (anon.)
Cuss: Russ Jones (Donatus)
custardy: custody, in use for a long time but particularly after the "real custard" episode of 3rd April 2016 (trad., anon.)
cyber-drinks: come in various sizes: buckets, wheelie-bins, skips, paddling pools, even oil tankers (trad., anon.)
Cyclops: Mike Tucker (trad., anon.)
CynderSnella: Lynda Snell (SturmeyArcher)
Dacow: Berrow Farm cow unit (Snarklehound)
DairyLee: Helen Archer and Surname-Free Lee (Lou's Funny Mummy)
damacratic republic, the: the holdings of Damara Limited (irene1)
damacratic republic supreme leader: Rob sees himself as this (irene1)
Dampling, The: Henry Archer (Gus)
damp squid, a: the rest of the world calls it a damp squib (originally a typo by annakist)
Darrathon, The: the Darrell Makepeace Depression storyline (steenbok)
Dauber: Russ Jones (theThreeofWeevils)
deading, dedding: killing off an Archers character (trad., anon.)
DD (Dopey Duo) Ruth and David Archer (trad., anon.)
DeadBetty Tucker: she's dead, Jim (trad., anon.)
dekaboom: see kaboom
delaying supper: Offering sex. Siobhán Hathaway asked her husband Tim "Shall I, er, delay supper?" (trad., anon.)
Dementor: Kathy Perks (SunnyakaSonny)
DeMerde: Demara Capital (joe)
Denise Denurse: Denise Metcalf (BadlyWrittenBoy)
Denise Von Tease: Denise Metcalfe (taggart65)
dibble, the: PC Harrison Burns (Edgeley)
Dicklock: Dr Richard Locke (Flageolet Bean)
Dickyard: Rickyard Cottage, especially with Toby living in it (catvirago)
Dickyard Cottage: Rickyard Cottage with Toby in residence (TUNA)
Dim-ara: Demara Capital (AFrend)
Dimcerity: dimwitted but very sincere encouragement, such as that given by David to Elizabeth about her parenting skills (Broken Arrow)
Dimvid: David Archer (TUNA)
Dimwits, the: the Bridge Farm Archers (Chris Ghoti)
Dipity: Seren Archer (BadlyWrittenBoy)
Dobbie (the house Elf): Debbie Aldridge (leech peddlar)
Dobbin: Debbie Aldridge (trad., anon.)
Doc Locthario: Richard Locke (Broken Arrow)
Doc Schlock: Richard Locke (AFrend)
Doctor Heinz Kiosk: Alan Franks (Chris Ghoti)
Doctor Quack: Richard Locke (trad., anon)
doggedly independent: the header on the official Who's Who entry on the TA website described Helen as "Fragile, but doggedly independent". Now it calls her a tragic heroine. Amended to add: this was changed, and now (August 2018) asks "has Helen finally lost her title of unluckiest woman in Ambridge?"
Doom Music: a later part of the theme music which used to be played when a character was either dead or dying at the end of an episode. Vanessa Whitburn, who was quoted as "hating it", stopped its use (trad., anon.)
Door-Matt: Matthew Holman (Tuna Tuxedo )
DoorPat: Pat Archer (TheReds)
Dopey: David Archer (trad., anon.)
Dopey and Mopey: David and Ruth Archer (GeordieLad)
Dopey Dearest: David Archer (Tuna Tuxedo)
Dopey Duo (DD): David and Ruth (trad., anon.)
Dopeynomics: Brookfield economic practice (dpbc)
Doreen: Jolene Archer. Not really a nickname; "Doreen Amanda Rogers" was her original name.
Dorothy Dansgirl: Dan Hebden Lloyd's girlfriend Dorothy (Epponn'knee-Rae)
Dosh: Josh Archer (Tuna)
Dour House, The: the Dower House (NotSoTinyTim)
Dower Tent, the: where Elizabeth will live when Freddie inherits (dpbc)
Dr Death: Richard Locke (trad., anon.)
Dr Heinz Kiosk: Jeremy We-Are-All-Guilty Howe (Chris Ghoti)
DreadFoolKrate: Kate Madikane (Sturmey Archer)
DredFuleKrate: Kate Madikane (Sturmey Archer)
Drip: Pip Archer (anon.)
DS Walford: DS Madely, because the actor also plays a policeman in EastEnders
DtA: Discuss the Archers (forum)
Duckbills, the: Miriam and Lulu Duxford (susu)
Duckboard Sisters, the: The Duxford Sisters (Armitage Shanks)
Ducks Caff, the: Les Sœurs Heureuses (rosiet)
Dull Al Alistair Lloyd (trad., anon.)
Dullard: Darrell Makepeace (joe)
Dumbara : Damara Holdings (Prophet Tenebrae)
dumfink, Adam's: Ian Craig (creative typo by Mister Legs)
Dustbin: Justin Elliott (Sergeant Sunshine)
Dustbin Eliot: Justin Elliott (Sergeant Sunshine)
EATTC: The Rob/Helen storyline, Eating Ambridge To The Core leaving nothing but some pips and and a mouldy stalk (Positively Debutante)
Echo Warrior, the: Kirsty Miller repeating herself again (Armitage Shanks)
Ediot, the: the editor (joe)
Eek, Oh, Warrior, the: Kirsty Miller (can't believe i utter)
Eeyore: Tony Archer (trad., anon.)
Elizardbeth: Elizabeth Pargetter (TUNA)
ElMona: Elona Makepeace (rosiet)
Emu: Emma Grundy (old mother riley)
Ena Sharpclaws: Joy's kitten Ena Sharples, daughter of Peggy's cat Hilda Ogden (Grey Gabbler)
Enclave, the: Ambridge and its immediate area (trad., anon.)
Enema: Emma Grundy (who is a pain in the arse and makes you feel uncomfortable) (NotSoTinyTim)
Enemed: Emma and Ed Grundy (Fanta)
Evil and Maybe: Edie and Mabel Bryce, Lee's daughters (lili bolero)
ewekiller option, the: Pip Archer (joe)
F3: the fat fool Franks (Gus)
FA: Fantasy Archers
F & P: the annual Flower and Produce show in September. (trad., anon.)
Fablon: Fallon Rogers (old mother riley)
Fagash, Fagash Lil: Lillian Bellamy (trad., anon.)
fainting couch: used by more sensitive posters when things Get Too Much (trad., anon.)
fairy: there are fairies responsible for SLs in TA resolving themselves without consequences (job fairy, relationship fairy, dairy fairy, etc). Keri Davies has denied this. (trad., anon.)
Fairy Dairy, the: Mike and Ed's enterprise (trad., anon.)
FairlyAwfulBrothers, the: Toby and Rex Fairbrother (Sturmey Archer)
Fallen: Fallon Rogers (MikeUniformMike)
fallorn: Fallon Rogers (catvirago)
Far Quenelles, the: when it comes to shouting at the radio in exasperation while TA is on.... (Mister Legs)
Farty Karate: Surname-Free Lee (barwick_green)
Fat Dan: Daniel Hebden when he was on steroids as a child (trad., anon)
Feather: Heather (Apple Orchard)
Featherbrain Brothers, the: Rex and Toby Fairbrother (Griesley Wife)
Featherbrains, The: Rex and Toby Fairbrother (LlamaDrama)
Felon: Fallon Rogers (MikeUniformMike)
Festering One, the: Lily Pargetter (Gus)
FF: Felicity Finch, who plays Ruth Archer (trad., anon.)
FFD: Daniel Hebden after we were forbidden by Keri Davies to call him Fat Dan (trad., anon)
FFOA: First Family of Ambridge, the Brookfield Archers (trad., anon.)
Fistram Porkmore: Tristram Hawkshaw (Snarklehound)
Fistula: Ursula Titchener (Lindow woman)
Fixadent: Mr La Teeth the 'Fixer' ie Latif, Justin's friend(Roxette)
Fizz: Pip Archer (Jude, on air)
Flakey: Kate Madikane (Broken Arrow)
Flank: Fallon Rogers (Joe K)
Flapjack the Ripper: Jill Archer (barwick_green)
Flash: Harry Chilcott (taggart65)
Flat Nigel (a.k.a. 32 ft/sec² a.k.a. g): Nigel Pagetter (deceased) (Sturmey Archer)
Flibbertigibbet, the: Lilian Bellamy (Peggy Woolley, on air)
FLOA: First Lady of Ambridge, currently Ruth Archer (trad., anon.)
Fludde, ye: The Am flood of 1st (or 1st-5th) March 2015 (trad., anon.)
footstinger, the: The Toe Bee.™ Toby Fairbrother (steenbok)
Foreverpet: Heather Pritchard (wildwomanwonga)
Forlorn: Fallon Rogers (Roxette)
Formerly Welsh Pat: Pat Archer (NotSoTinyTim and possibly another)
forsythia moment: not convinced one way or the other. Shula doing the church flowers said she was "in two minds about forsythia" (trad., anon.)
FOTPOT: Friends of Tony, Poor Old Tony (BBC Board)
Foulbrothers, the: Rex and Toby Fairbrother (Epponn'knee-Rae)
Fowl and Jowl: Phil and Jill Archer (trad., anon.)
Foxbreath: Oliver Sterling. (trad., anon.)
Foxbrush: Oliver Sterling (trad., anon.)
Foxymoron: Hannah Riley (Grey Gabbler)
fred: what some people call a thread (trad., anon.)
FreeBee: Phoebe Aldridge (Armitage Shanks)
Fridge Farm: Bridge Farm
Frilly: Freddie and Lily Pargetter
Full Thickness Burns: PC Harrison Burns — full thickness burns is the old way of saying third degree burns (HedgeSparrow)
Fumble Futtock: Tumble Tussock cider (Snarklehound)
Fumble Gusset: Tumble Tussock cider (barwick_green)
Fustian: Justin Elliott (Gus)
Gack: Gideon/Jack, name for Helen's son (Lizabelle)
Gate-Gate: Pip letting the cows out by accident, 2017 (anon)
Gaviscon: Gavin Moss (barwick_green)
gaybee, the: Alexander Macy Craig (anon)
Gay Gables: Grey Gables (trad., anon.)
Germolene: Geraldine – soothes all ills (Zunky)
GG: Grey Gables (trad., anon.)
ghastly galumpher, the: Pip Archer (malahide)
Ghastly Ghavin: Gavin Moss (AFrend)
Ghastular: Ursula Titchener (Aisling)
Giddygloop: the Bridge Farm Organic Babyfood (catvirago)
Giddyjack: Jack or Gideon, Archer or Titchener (charmbrights)
Giddy'un: Gideon, Rob's chosen name for Helen's son (Sturmey Archer)
GiddyUp: Gideon Titchener (BBC website)
Gidnap: the kidnapping of Jack Archer by Rob Titchener (barwick_green)
gidnapping: kidnapping Gideon (?typo? by TUNA picked up by charmingAnnielynn)
Gin-man Gigolo, the: Toby Fairbrother (steenbok)
Gnasher: Natasha (Snarklehound)
going to Oxford: code for about to be unfaithful to your spouse, but changing your mind at practically the last minute (Ambridge Forever Frittering)
Gobbler's Knoll: Vinder's Knoll, a marriage venue on the north-west edge of Borsetshire (aonghas)
goldparent: the Ambridge Money Fairy (Aisling, supported by charmbrights)
Goosey-Gander Bros, the: Toby and Rex Fairbrother (wynkyn de worde)
Gormless 1: Will Grundy (on air; Adrian York the PE teacher)
Gormless 2: Ed Grundy (on air; Adrian York the PE teacher)
Grabba Sandwich: lunch. The only thing you can do with a sandwich (trad., anon.)
great culvert in the sky, the: where the bad plots go when they die the death (ProphetTenebrae)
Greg Turner Memorial Shotgun: weapon for use by anyone we would like to get rid of (trad., anon.)
Grenadine: Geraldine (Snarklehound)
Greta Garbage: Mia Grundy (BadlyWrittenBoy)
Grey Bagels: Grey Gables (not-quite-typo by ThatFunnyMummy)
Grey Gerbils: Grey Gables (catvirago)
Gridiron, baby: Gideon, Rob's chosen name for Helen's son (majorclanger)
Grievous Bodily Harrison: Harrison Burns (Grey Gabbler)
Grim Gorbals: Grey Gables (Mister Legs)
Grosie: Rosie Ruth Grace Archer (Barwick_Green)
GRoT: Gideon Robert Titchener (many people simultaneously, I think)
Grunge Farm: Grange Farm (dougie)
Grungie Wassock: Tumble Tussock cider (OscarWildesWit)
GTMS, the: the Greg Turner Memorial Shotgun (joe)
Guantanamoo: Berrow Farm
GWTHWG: Gripping With The Heels While Galloping (carrick-bend)
halibut: used to slap either other posters who have said something untoward or characters in The Archers who deserve it. THWACK!. (trad., anon.)
Ham Hock Farm: Hadley Haugh
Hände hoch!: Hadley Haugh (Nancy Banks-Smith)
Handmaiden Ofadamian: Lexi Viktorova (CloggyMcClogface)
Hank: a standard diminutive for "Henry", like Hal and Harry (very trad., anon.)
Hankenjack: The new cheese from Helen Archer (joe)- lactose free and with a bit of a bite. Hard, rather bitter, but with a deceptively fragile crust. A dogged aftertaste. Twice the flavour: once going down and again coming up. From a cutting-edge independent cheesemaker. (joe, gossipknightley, Snarklehound)
Hanner the Hun: Hannah Riley (Fullon Antiques)
Hardboard and Cardboard: George Barford (RIP) and Christine Barford (trad., anon.)
Harrison Berk-Whistle: PC Harrison Burns (Grey Gabbler)
Harrison Fraud: Harrison Burns (Grey Gabbler)
Harrisonson: possible male child of Fallon and Harrison Burns (MikeUniformMike)
Harrassment Burns: PC Harrison Burns
Hashisha: Anisha Jayakody (Wynkyn de Worde)
Hateful: Hazel Woolley (trad., anon.)
Hatezel: Hazel Woolley (WhoppingBigBackside)
Hazchem: Hazel Woolley (trad., anon.)
Heatherpet: Heather Pritchard
Hectoring Horville: Joy Horville (dougie)
Head Caseys, the: the Casey family (Roxette)
Heleninacell: Helen Titchener (from a Hitler spoof)
Helenocentric: The normal condition of Helen Archer (steenbok)
Hellin: Helen Archer (trad., anon.)
Hellinob: Helen and Rob Titchener (Flageolet Bean)
"Hello you two": a phrase which is used often in TA (to denote how many characters are present in a scene) and much commented on in ML
Hellqueen, (the): Helen Archer and then Helen Ttchener (trad., anon.)
helmat: Helen Titchener in doormat mode (pointed out by charmbrights)
Henbot, the: Henry Archer (Ambridge Forever Frittering)
HenWee: Henry Archer (wynkyn de worde)
Henweed: Henry Archer (Aisling)
hibw: have it both ways. What the scriptwriters think that they can about things (dpbc)
HMP Porkhurst: Her Majesty's Piggery Porkhurst at Berrow Farm (Leeky Hill)
Hobbit, a Roy Tucker (what Freddie said on air that he and Lily called him)
Hodgepig: Terry Hodge, the MCP farmer (dpbc)
Hoggaway: the new pig-unit at Berrow Farm (can't believe i utter)
Hootenanny: Jill Archer (Foamrubberperson)
Hooter, The: Jill Archer (Aisling)
Hooternanny: Jill Archer (schnauzermum)
Hootie: Jill Archer (Sturmey Archer)
Hoover, Henry the: Henry Archer (anon.)
Horrid Henry: Henry Archer (anon.)
Hot Crossty Buns: Kirsty Miller (carrick-bend)
Hotelbible: Jack (Gideon) Archer (Doc Holliday New)
HQ, the: the HellQueen; Helen Archer (trad., anon.)
Huge Hyphen: Huw Kennair-Jones, the editor announced in 2016 (anon)
Hugh Hyphen: Huw Kennair-Jones, the editor announced in 2016 (anon)
Hungarian translations: another euphemism for sexual intercourse, after Siobhán and Brian's affair at the time when she was employed to translate documents for his Hungarian enterprise (trad., anon.)
Huw the Hyphen: Huw Kennair-Jones, the editor announced in 2016 (Chris Ghoti)
hydrated cephalopod: see "damp squid" (ProphetTenebrae )
HyphenatEd: Huw Kennair-Jones, the editor announced in 2016 (dpbc)
hypoPipical: hypocritical like Pip (ProphetTenebrae)
IAGABDL: It's All Got A Bit Day Lily (ephemeral) (B. Yonda)
IAGABS: It's All Got A Bit Silly (carrick-bend)
"I came late to avocados": said by Phil Archer
ICI: It's Crap Innit (Gus)
IGULAA: It Got Utterly Ludicrous/Laughable Ages Ago
I need to visit some sheep: Said by Jakob to get away from Lynda. (Suggested by SabrinaT)
infestuous: an Archers phenomenon: whenever one of them messes up, a brother, sister or parent can be sure of coming along to tell them they're the best parent, brother, sister etc ever, while sneering at selected other members of the clan (Snarklehound)
in Panto: absent during a time when the character ought to have appeared because the storyline needed their presence (trad., anon. First said about David Troughton being cast as Tony but not appearing over the following Christmas; later applied to his not appearing as Tony during most of the Rob/Helen storyline, to explain why Tony apparently knew nothing about it.)
INYF: It's Not Your Fault – said to Helen when something was her fault (trad., anon.)
"Isn't that X over there talking to Y?" see "What are you doing here?"
Is this about Mrs. Hutchins ?: No, it will be about something far worse. (Said by Ian when Roy burst into Honeysuckle Cottage to complain about gossip over Lexi)
It's Not Your Fault: said to Helen when something was her fault (trad., anon.)
IWBWHW: It's what Betty would have wanted (trad., anon.)
IWGWHW: It's what Greg would have wanted (trad., anon.)
IWNWHW: It's what Nigel would have wanted (trad., anon.)
Jackeon: Jack Archer (Curmy)
Jabbering Joy: Joy Horville (LogCabin)
Jacknap: the kidnapping of Jack Archer by Rob Titchener (Nelson_G)
Jack the Nipper: Helen's Titchener baby (Zunky)
Jadeon: Jack/Gideon Archer (mikedotneil)
Jaws: George Grundy (Tumbletussock)
JD: Jenny Darling; Jennifer Aldridge (trad., anon.)
Jawline: Jolene Archer (Dr Toad Leg)
Jeck: Jack Woolley (trad., anon.)
Jedward: Toby and Rex Fairbrother (irene)
Jelliedeelliot: Justin Elliott in his whelk-stall capacity (Zunky)
Jellyot: Justin Elliott (malahide)
Jenny Dahling: Jennifer Aldridge (trad., anon.)
jessebel: Jess; from Jezebel. (irene1)
Jigiot: Justin Elliott (AFrend)
John Toboggan: John Tregorran
Johnny Come Lately: Johnny (Rich) Phillips
Joke: Jack Archer (Aisling)
JR: Johnny (Rich) Phillips
jumping the walrus: the Archers equivalent of "jumping the shark" (virtual_jan)
Junior Meerkat: Rosa, daughter of Elona Makepeace (trad., anon.)
JusDim: Justin Elliott (Sturmey Archer)
Justan Idiot: Justin Elliott (TUNA)
Just A Nitwit: Justin Elliott (joe)
Justbin: Justin Elliott (Doc Holliday)
Justin Dickhead: Justin Elliott (lsd25)
Justinandout: Justin Elliott
just in Birmingham: explanation for a vanished character, as Roy told Rex about Mike (villageschoolmaam)
Justin Timberbrain: Justin Elliott (Foamrubberperson)
Justsenile: Justin Elliott (Zunky)
kaboom; dekaboom: make a mistake in the reply box so that the whole of a correspondence shows in the thread instead of just one's own post; edit to correct this (sometimes done by appeal to the moderators)
KAS: Kenton Appreciation Society (trad., anon.)
Kate Madasahatter: Kate Madikane (Zunky)
kennedys, the: Toby and Rex Fairbrother (irene)
ketchup: the 'catch-up' or daily synopsis (trad., anon.)
kewl: cool (trad., anon.)
Knob, Knobber: Rob Titchener (see Titchynob)
Knobdad the Bad: Bruce Titchener (Steve green)
Knobdemort: Rob Titchener (Eliza Bennet)
Korn Krake, the: Kate Madikane (Sturmey Archer)
Krake: Kate Madikane (…as in Corn Crake) (Sturmey Archer)
Krakey: Kate Madikane (…as in Wot Krakey Did) (Sturmey Archer)
Krusty: Kirsty Miller (trad., anon.)
Kursedy: Kirsty Miller (MikeUniformMike)
LA: listen again (trad., anon.)
La Beetle: Vanessa Whitburn
Lakey Hill, taken up: ravished (trad., anon.)
Lady Macvet: Alisha Jayakody (Zunky)
Lady of Shallot, the: Helen Titchener (Zunky)
Lady of Sorrows, the: Elizabeth Pargetter (AFrend)
Lame: Leonie and James (barwick_green)
Lancashire Palindrome, the: Hannah Riley (Grey Gabbler)
Lard Bro's, the: Toby and Rex Fairbrother (wynkyn de worde?)
Lardy boys, the: Rex and Toby Fairbrother (eljay)
Las Sewers Horreux: Les Soeurs Heureuses (Broken Arrow)
La Teeth: Justin's friend Latif (I think several people thought of this one at the same time)
Latté: Justin's friend Latif (JPBS)
Laughing Leprechaun, the: Ian Craig (Snarklehound)
Lazy Scissors: Les Soeurs Heureuses, the caff in Borchester (can't believe I utter)
Lazy Stick, the: Helen Titchener
leg humping, humping his leg: the well-trained Pat's enthusiastic reaction to Rob being even more than usually Manly (ProphetTenebrae)
Legit: Lexi Viktorova (Old Mother Riley)
Lemon Drivel: Lemon Drizzle Cake and by extension the way in which Jill goes on and on while delivering food in the fields or cowshed
Le Rob Soleil: Rob Titchener, the Sun-Rob (Zunky)
Les Freres Miseres: Ian's new restaurant (pharaoh hound)
Lesser Horrors: Les Soeurs Heureuses, the caff in Borchester (Gus)
Les SewersRUs: Les Soeurs Heureuses, the caff in Borchester (JustJanie)
Lexiconartist: Lexi Viktorova (barwick_green)
Lexit: Lexi Viktorova leaving the country (antique acorn)
Lichen: Gavin Moss – Lichen is a junior sort of moss, very difficult to eradicate once it's established. (Snarklehound)
Lidiot: Lilian Bellamy and Justin Elliott (jezzer)
Lilita: Lily Pargetter (Anon)
Lilo-Lil and Limpet: Lilian Bellamy and Justin Elliott (gossipknightley)
Lilsinit(forthemoney): Lillian Bellamy and Justin Elliot (catvirago)
little drummer boy, the: Lee Bryce (Fuzzypeg the hedgehog)
Little Miss Cheaty-Pants: Anisha Jayakody (Armitage Shanks)
Little Saint Nic: Nic Grundy (Zunky's family)
Little Z/X: Alexander Macy Craig (Chris Ghoti)
Lizard, The: Elizabeth Pargetter (name given to her by Tim Beecham on air)
Lizardbreath: Elizabeth Pargetter (trad., anon.)
LL: Lower Loxley (trad., anon.)
Lobotommy: NuTom in the wake of his seeming mindwipe over the non wedding that led him to propose again to Kirsty (Zunky's Son)
Lockejaw: Dr Richard Locke (Marshy)
LoLo Lolita, the: Lily Pargetter (Aonghas)
Lord Lichplank: PC Harrison Burns in Photographer mode (joe)
Lord of the Sties: Tom Archer (Jazzer, on air)
Lord [O']Scorne: Sean O'Connor (Snarklehound)
Los Desaparecidos de Ambridge: characters who haven't spoken for months or years, as for instance Kathy and Jamie in December 2016 (villageschoolmaam)
Lower Lizzardland: Lower Loxley Hall (gossipknightley)
Lucky Knickers: have strange powers for getting people jobs, new houses and other things. They don't deal in love, but will be worn on request by their owner (trad., anon.)
Ludicrous Lexicon: Lexi Viktorova (rosietonthemove)
Lurpak-Legs: Pip Archer (dipblodocus)
Lustin: Justin Elliott (Carriecat)
Lyndaaaahling: Lynda Snell in Her "Professional Actor" hat (Wurzel)
Lyndibots: Robert Snell's pet name for his wife was Lyndibottom (trad., anon.)
mAdam: Adam Macy (trad., anon.)
Madam Whiplash: Peggy Woolley (trad., anon.)
Madame Woolleybrain: Peggy Woolley (rosiet)
Mad Controller, the: Ian Craig (Capricorn)
Maestro: Henry Archer — because his voice sounds like the one in a 1984 Austin Maestro (Snarklehound)
Magna: proposed name for the Carters' baby (ILoveShula)
Maisy Dadger: Pip Archer as played by Daisy Badger (ArnaldAlmaric)
mAlice: Alice Carter (trad., anon.)
Man and Stuporman: Ian Craig and Adam Macy (dpbc)
Mange Farm: Grange Farm (Snarklehound)
Mango: Mungo, Leonie Snell's son (BSE)
Mankwold: rude name for Borsetshire Blue (Helen's cheese)with w and M being interchanged (Dusty Substances)
MAOE, the: the Most Annoying Option for Emma (dipblodogus)
MAOFTL, the: The most annoying option for the listener (steenbok & villageschoolmaam)
Mark 'how's my driving' Hebden: Mark Hebden (trad., anon.)
Marquee: Markie, who loiters within tent (Red Ricky)
Marth Vader: Martha Carter (Gus)
Martyn Gibson Mousefart Ending™: the fizzle at the end of the story about Martyn Gibson's constructive dismissal of Kathy from the Golf Club (steenbok)
Mattiavelli: Matt Crawford (gossipknightley)
mayo: the list of threads on a board, in one mode a delightful mayonnaise colour (trad., anon.)
MBR: Mind Blowing Rape; what we assume happened to Helen on 27th August 2015 (Snarklehound)
MBS: mind-blowing sex, according to Helen when she told Kirsty what she got from Rob (Snarklehound)
Meerkat, the: Elona Makepeace (trad., anon.)
Meerkat Mansion: 3, The Green, where the Meercats lived (trad., anon.)
Meerkat Mk II: Lexi Viktorova (joe)
meet: Mustardlanders' get-together. (trad., anon.)
me-o-log: any one of the many monologues in 2020 (ambridgemassive)
Me-Randa: Miranda Elliott (Wynkyn de Worde)
Mere: Mia Grundy (Chris Ghoti)
Mia-Cat, the: Mia Grundy (Norwegian Blue)
MianEd: Emma and Ed Grundy (MikeUniformMike)
Mike TuckShop: Mike Tucker (Roxette)
Millwall: Chelsea Horrobin (taggart65)
Mincey Vincey: Vince Casey the slaughterhouse owner (trad., anon.)
minibus: the Sunday morning omnibus edition of The Archers (trad., anon.)
miseries, the: The Mystery Plays (catvirago)
Miss Bodice: Josh's girlfriend Liberty (QuietFlowstheAm)
Miss Fragile-but-Stabby: Helen Archer (dpbc)
Miss Nuvet: Alisha Jayakody (Dave)
MiWrathda: Miranda Elliott (ProphetTenebrae)
ML Mustardland
MLers: people who inhabit Mustardland, i.e. us
MMM: Me Moom's Money, Ruth's inheritance from Heather (Chris Ghoti)
modding: removing from the boards by the moderators, messages which have broken one of the House rules (trad., anon.)
moanalogues: the Archers broadcasts from 25/5/2020 until (catvirago)
Moany: Tony (trad., anon.)
moddable: used instead of a word which the moderators would remove; all-purpose swearword (Chris Ghoti)
Modom and Begorrah: Adam Macy and Ian Craig (BBCB trad., anon; remembered by Gus)
mods, the: the moderators. The volunteers who keep order in Peets.
Modsquad, the: the mods
moist cephalopod: damp squid (trad., anon.)
moist cuttlefish: see "damp squid" (QuietFlowstheAm)
Mogadon Man: Adam Macy (gus)
monotom: Tom Archer (EulersIdentity)
monotomic: William Troughton's delivery as Tom Archer (EulersIdentity)
Monsieur Floppy: Toby Fairbrother (Sredni Vashtar)
Moody and Broody: Adam and Ian (trad., anon.)
Moo-Gate: the release of the Brookfield cattle into the wild in 2017 (charmingAnnielynn)
Moolag, the: Berrow Farm megdairy (Snarklehound)
Moschatel: Susan Carter informally (eljay)
Moss Dross, the: Philip and Gavin Moss (catvirago)
Mr Teflon: Rob Titchener (Coronach)
Mr Fourth Northern Accent: Matt Holman (Tuna Tuxedo)
Mr Plot De Weiss: the man in charge of the plot (Mister Legs)
Mr Rusty Morals: Russ Jones the teacher (kiwikid)
multishirking: managing to avoid doing many important tasks by visiting Peets (trad., anon.)
Mrs Meerkat: Elona Makepeace (trad., anon.)
Ms Botcher: Daisy Badger (joe)
Mustardland: the Archers message boards
muster: a meet (trad., anon.)
Myson: Ruari Donovan (Brian said "but he's my son!") (trad., anon.)
nano talk: small talk such as PipSqueak/OneOfTheFairBros dialogue (Sturmey Archer)
N&Q: Notes & Queries
Nagasha: Natasha (catvirago)
napkins: subject of a long thread after Ruth used paper ones for a dinner party (trad., anon.)
Nasty: Kirsty Miller (binocular)
Neds: unresolved loose ends (B Yonda)
Neiiiuuul: Neil Carter (Sturmey Archer)
newbie: a new poster (trad., anon.)
New Huw: Huw Kennair-Jones, the editor announced in 2016 (Ambridge Forever Frittering)
NFA: Normal For Ambridge (trad., anon.)
Niffer: Mrs Brian Aldridge (trad., anon.)
Niggle: Nigel Pargetter (trad, anon.)
Nob, Nobber: Rob Titchener (see Titchynob)
Nobby Winklemann: the oberleutnant of Cowditz, Rob Titchener (wynkyn de worde)
Noblet, the: Ethan Titchener
No-can-do: Noluthando Madikane (can't believe I utter)
Nocasha: Natasha Archer (Ginger biscuits at the village shop)
no comfort farm: Grange Farm (catvirago)
Noli-Me-Tangere: Noluthando Madikane (Ron Bacardi)
NoliTantrum: Noluthando Madikane (Roxette)
Nolle tandem: Noluthando Madikane (binocular)
Nolli prosequi: Noluthando Madikane (dipblodocus)
Northern Powerhouse, the: Matthew Holman (Toby Fairbrother)
Nothingtodo: Noluthando Madikane (The Green Man)
not in a marshmallow frame of mind: disinclined to be cheered up with trivial things like sweeties (Adam in The Archers, 14/10/2016)
Novacaine and Syringe: Nova and Seren Archer (SabrinaT)
Novachok and Sarin : Nova and Seren Archer (Aonghas)
Nova “Scotia” Archer: Nova Archer (Minihohum)
Noxious Nols: Noluthando Madikane (pharoah hound)
Null, the: the Bull (inspired typo by Aonghas)
NuPip: Pip as voiced by the new actor Daisy Badger
NuTom: Tom as voiced by the new actor William Troughton
Nutritia: Natasha Archer (QuietFlowstheAm)
OAM: Old Abandoned Mineshaft (Quatermass)
O'Connorism: lie (Chris Ghoti)
Oddle: Adil Shah (said by Ian on air, noticed by various, suggested by Aonghas)
Odious Joy: Joy Horville (Roxette)
Odour Joy: Joy Horville (Fullon Antiques)
OH or oh: other half (trad., anon.)
Oily: Oliver Sterling (rosiet)
O'KonkerBrain: Sean O'Connor (Sturmey Archer)
Ol-whine: Olwen Thomas (Broken Arrow)
OML: Old MustardLand, the BBC board, closed on 25th February 2013
OP: original/opening post (the first post in a thread) (trad., anon.)
Ordure Joy: Joy Horville (Aonghas)
ovulate: ovation (spellchecker error by catvirago)
Orphan(s) on a stick: what PerkinMegaCorps encourages us to use to clean chimneys. Don't ask. (Fluff)
OSM: oozing sex mode (Jolene, mostly) (Capricorn and Freda Fry (bloke))
Other Priapic One, The: Justin Elliott (Sturmey Archer)
Our Lady of Perpetual Indignation: Elizabeth Pargetter (Chris Ghoti)
owl: an email; taken from Harry Potter (JK Rowling)
page 94: people who realise they are rambling or ranting may say 'cont. p94' (Private Eye)
Page Turner: Brad Horrobin's non-girlfriend (catvirago)
Panettone: Pat and Tony Archer (gus)
pants, the: the panto (typo by Rachael Reynolds in Lowfield)
Parasite, The: Kate Madikane (shesings)
Passive-Aggressive House, the: Tony's dream house, the Passivhaus (SabrinaT)
Paterwauling: when Pat Archer howls (Purple_Hay)
Pat hetic: Pat Archer (wildwomanwonga)
PBN: pore bluddy Neil (dipblodogus)
PBSWs: Poor Bloody Script Writers (Chris Ghoti)
PC Burnsinhell: PC Harrison Burns (Lois)
PC Carpet Burns: PC Harrison Burns (Minihohum)
PC Harrassment Burns: PC Harrison Burns (anon.)
PC Perve: PC Harrison Burns (anon.)
PC Plank: Harrison Burns; out of Jackspeak, plank as an epithet for intractably obtuse individuals (Snarklehound)
PC Plankton: PC Harrison Burns (catvirago)
PC Shagpile: PC (Carpet) Burns (Fuzzypeg the hedgehog)
pedestal made for two, a: what is needed for Pip Archer and Toby Fairbrother (Curlew)
pedestal of twatishness, a: what is needed for Toby Fairbrother (Curlew)
Peepikins: Pip Archer (Quiet Flows the Am)
Peggy Bank, the: Peggy Woolley
Peggy the Wedge: Peggy Woolley, from her habit of trying to drive wedges between her children and their children (dipblodogus)
Peg the Pill: Peggy Woolley (rosiet)
Perforatee, The: Rob Titchener (MrsBeetle)
Peripheral Philippa: Pip Archer (leopoldina)
Petulant Pan-jockey: Ian Craig (diplodogus)
Petulant Pan Pusher: Ian Craig (MarvinPA)
Petulant Pip: PipArcher (barwick_green)
Philgin: Philip and Gavin Moss (Blid)
Philosan/Phyllosan: Philip Moss (Armitage Shanks, spelling corrected by barwick_green)
Phil Spectre: the ghost of Phil Archer (Roxette)
Phlegmalot: Justin Elliott (anon.)
Phlegmeister, the: Wayne Tucson (anon.)
Phlegmy: Justin Elliott (anon.)
Phoeble-minded one, the: Phoebe Aldridge (Gus)
phoeble-minded skoolgurl: Phoebe Aldridge (Gus)
Phroebie: Phoebie Aldridge (dipblodocus)
Piggoi: Peggy Woolley (trad., anon.)
Piggy: Peggy Woolley (trad., anon., pointed out by Quatermass)
piggitentiary, the: Berrow Farm pig unit (Nelson_G)
pigston: the new pig-unit at Berrow Farm (Tonkarav)
Pigsy: Neil Carter (Sturmey Archer)
Pilchards, the: the Brookfield Archers – Ruth's maiden name was Pritchard (Milkmaid)
pink hats: from the phrase "well, we can't all wear pink hats" as a colourful alternative to "let's agree to differ" (trad., anon.)
Pinky and Perky: Natasha and Tom Archer's prospective twins (BoreOfWhabylon)
Pipal Infallibility: The doctrine which says Pip Archer can make no mistake (Shaun the Sheep)
Pipal Supremacy: the idea that Pip Archer is the ultimate authority on all things agricultural (Shaun the Sheep)
Pipfancier: Toby or Rex Fairbrother
Pipocentric: The normal condition of Pip Archer (steenbok)
Pipocrit, the: Pip Archer (ProphetTenebrae)
Pippohotamus: Pip Archer (steenbok)
Pip On A Pedestal: Pip Archer (steenbok)
Piposterous: preposterous (gossipknightley)
Pipped-at-the-Post: Pip Archer (OscarWildesWit)
Pippi Destocking: Pip Archer (dipblodogus)
Pipplington: Pip Archer (Quiet Flows the Am)
Pip's Law the law by which being told on air by one villager that another villager has a characteristic such as wit, honesty, industry, beauty etc makes that the fact even though their behaviour on air indicates the contrary about them (Green Man)
PipSon: Pip as played by Daisy Badger
Pipspup: Pip Archer's putative child (Lou's Funny Mummy)
Pipsquawk: Pip Archer (trad., anon.)
Pipsqueak: Pip Archer (David Archer's nickname for her when she was a child)
Pip, Squeak and Wilfred : Pip, Josh and Ben Archer (dipblodogus)
Piptwit, the: Pip Archer (Tuff Tanya)
Pip 'where's me coos' Archer: Pip Archer (The Green Man)
Pip's World of Coos: "a magicale worlde of cow heaven" (catvirago, explained by ArnaldAlmaric)
Pipthetic: Pip Archer (rosiet)
Piptulance, a fit of: Pip Archer style petulance (ProphetTenebrae)
Piptulant child, the: Pip Archer in foot-stamping mode (ProphetTenebrae)
PlankTom: Tom Archer (Miss Frog)
Plip: Pip Archer (rosietonthemove)
Plexi - A thin see-through character, with a flexible European accent and even more flexible job-role at Grey Gables: Lexi Viktorova (leech peddler)
PLM: Poor Little Mite: female child under the age of fifteen who is anything to do with Clarrie, previously Mia but latterly Poppy (trad. anon.)
PLS: Poor Little Smite; Rosie Ruth Grace Archer (Roxette)
Plop: Pip Archer (Foamrubberperson)
Plott de Weiss Syndrome: what a character has when he or she behaves out of character to forward a plot; also, the condition of an entire storyline (spelling by joe)
plunking clot device: Clunking Plot Device (Aisling)
POAP: Pip Archer (leopoldina) (see Pip On A Pedestal)
POC: Christine Barford (rosiet)
Pod, Homily, Eggletina and Dreadful Spiller: Tony, Pat, Helen and Tom Archer (various)
poison dwarf, the: Ruth Archer (said on air by Elizabeth Archer)
PolPat: Pat Archer (lost in the mists of time)
Pony: Pat and Tony Archer (trad. anon.)
Poop and Toper: Pip Archer and Toby Fairbrother (Coronach)
PoopSkwit: Pip Archer (Sturmey Archer)
Poopsquit: Pip Archer (trad., anon.)
Poor Little Smite: Rosie Ruth Grace Archer (Roxette)
Poor Old Christine: Christine Barford (rosiet)
pooter: computer (trad., anon.)
POPINOF: Pile Of Post It Notes On Floor (carrick-bend) https://c2.staticflickr.com/4/3080/2864030835_ba990c2046.jpg
Porkhurst: the new pig-unit at Berrow Farm ( Edgeley)
POT Poor Old Tony, Tony Archer (trad., anon.)
Poundshop Columbo: Harrison Burns (Doc Holliday New)
Poundland Hamlet, the: Tom Archer (pharoah hound)
PPI: Pip's Protest of Innocence (The Green Man)
Prat: Pat Archer
premod: the state of new posters until they have proved they are not going to make (too much) trouble; the condition of those deemed by the moderators to have made (too much) trouble. If you are in premod your posts have to be passed by a moderator before they will appear on the board.
Priapic One, The: Brian Aldridge (Sturmey Archer)
prod-a-mod: use the catpee ! (trad., anon.)
Proffer’s Dyke, the: Fiona Lloyd (Gus)
PTSD: Pseudo-Topical Scriptwriting Deficiency (carrick-bend)
PTSD: Pernicious Titchener Stoat-Dance (steenbok)
PTT (Part Time Tony): Tony Archer played by David Troughton (Roxette)
Pup: Pip Archer (a typo by Chris Ghoti)
Pus: Russ Jones the teacher (Green Man)
Pusscat: Matt Crawford's pet name for Lilian Bellamy
PWC: Pip's World of Coos
Queen of Hades, the: Helen Titchener/Archer, from Hellqueen (Broken Arrow)
Radio: Susan Carter, because she broadcasts gossip (trad., anon.)
Radio Carter: Susan Carter (trad., anon.)
Radio One: Susan Carter (trad., anon.)
Radio Two: Annette Turnerr (trad., anon.)
Rapelet, The: name for Helen's son (standard slang, apparently. Use forbidden by moderators)
raperaperapelet, the: Jack Archer (gus; use forbidden by moderators)
Ravioli and Samphire: the llamas Constanza and Salieri (majorclanger)
re-weeding: rewilding (many people)
rewiddling: rewilding aka ‘pissing Granny’s money up the wall’ (strokecitydave)
RFIK: Random Fact Implying Knowledge (B Yonda)
RL: real life, something that occasionally gets in the way of ML (trad., anon.)
Roarer, The: Ruairi Donovan (trad., anon.)
Roars: Ruairi Donovan (SturmeyArcher)
Robalurks: lurking behaviour by Rob Titchener (Fullon Antiques)
Robastalks: stalking behaviour by Rob Titchener (Fullon Antiques)
Rob Bag the Bad: Rob Titchener (Walter Gabriel's Ghost)
Robber, the: Rob Titchener (Mrs Perkins)
Robbore: Rob Titchener (annakist)
Robby-the-Runt: Rob Titchener (OscarWildesWit)
Robert the Brute: Rob Titchener (Steve green)
ROBespierre: Rob Titchener (as in Reign of Terror and Cult of the Supreme Being) (Zunky)
robfleshbloblet, the: Jack Archer (gus)
Robfuscate: what Rob Titchener does to prevent people noticing what he is up to (PhyllisDoris)
Robfuscator: Rob Titchener (Zunky)
Robgnostics: Those in Ambridge who are undecided whether Rob Titchener is a good thing or a bad one (ScruffsBone)
Robgoblin, the: Rob Titchener's expected child by Helen (villageschoolmaam)
Robhypnol: what Rob uses to get women in The Archers to say things they should not (Gnome de Plume crossing for Peet)
Roblem, the: Rob Titchener (steenbok)
Roblet, the: Helen's potential Titchener baby (joe)
Roblin King, The: Rob Titchener (Shaun the Sheep)
Robnoxious: what Rob Titchener is (mikedotneil)
Robochef: Rob Titchener (He chops, he minces, he mashes and...bastes!) (Zunky)
Robostomy: Rob Titchener (Disgusted of Tunbridge Wells)
Robotics: What we, or the SWs, are all doing when we discuss Rob Titchener (DracsM1)
Robotomy: the personality change some characters (particularly Pat) have had in relation to Rob (catvirago)
Robsputin: Rob Titchener (Disgusted of Tunbridge Wells)
(R)obstacles: things which get in Rob's way and have to be removed (ProphetTenebrae)
Robster, the: Rob Titchener (comebackmattcrauford)
Robulation: a portmanteau word, Rob + jubilation/adulation, for the general attitude to Rob (AFrend)
robuloathe: Rob Tichener The analogy is with "spudulike" (irene)
Rota Boy: Roy Tucker (trad., anon.)
Roy of the Racists: Roy Tucker (trad., anon.)
Roy of the Rotas: Roy Tucker (trad., anon.)
Roulette Vet, The: Alistair Lloyd (Foamrubberperson)
RRAr: Rosie Ruth Archer (Chris Ghoti)
RubaJonny: Johnny Phillips (Ginger biscuits at the village shop)
Runspellable: Ruairi Donovan (trad., anon.)
Rusk, the: Russ Jones (lordjim)
Russolini: Russ Jones (QuietFlowstheAm)
Russputin: Russ Jones (Grey Gabbler)
Russ Slime-Ball: Russ Jones (Miss Frog)
Rusty: Russ Jones the teacher (Socialite)
Sacha Torte, the: Sasha Locke (Roxette)
Sacwed Gwandchild: Henry Archer (Gus)
sAdam: Adam Macy in misery mode (Broken Arrow)
Saint Pip: Philippa Archer
SAPS: Sudden Accelerated Plot Syndrome (compassrose)
SATTC Shake Ambridge To The Core: what throwing Nigel off the roof was supposed to do, according to the advance publicity from the BBC. - It didn't.
SATTC: Shaking Ambridge To The Core: a reference to The Archers' 60th anniversary storyline (originally from a BBC press release http://www.bbc.co.uk/pressoffice/pressreleases/stories/2010/05_may/27/sopps.shtml )
Sausage and Gnash: Tom and Natasha Archer (bertfryup)
Sausage and Gnash and the Chipolatas: Tom and Natasha Archer and their twins (Roxette)
SBM: Shop Bought Muck — from what Rob Titchener said about custard (Snarklehound)
SCC: Seamless Character Changes (Aristotle O'Flanagan)
Scorn: Sean O'Connor (B. Yonda?)
scriptease: what the editorial team and scriptwriters are doing in the Rob/Helen storyline (MissPica)
scriptwittering: poor, ill-thought-through scriptwriting (Arnald Almaric)
scriptwrongers: Archers scriptwriters (barwick_green)
Scunner O'Connor, The: Sean O'Connor (gus)
Sean O'Chuck Up: Sean O'Connor (ArnaldAlmaric)
Sean O'Conflict: Sean O'Connor (Redwick)
Sean O'Control: Sean O'Connor (Steve green)
Sean the Sheep: Sean O'Connor (Lady M?)
self-congratulatory auto-prat: Russ Jones (Minihohum)
Seren “Getty” Archer: Seren Archer (Minihohum)
b]serf, the: Johnny Phillips (trad., anon.)
Sexy: Lexi Viktorova (rosiet)
Sgt Toytown: Harrison Burns (pharaoh hound)
Shagnum: Philip Moss (catvirago)
shampoo man: Tim Oatey (Dean Volecape)
shed: shit. Susan may have said "chicken shit" instead of "chicken shed", according to some listeners (Barwick_Green)
sheep, I need to visit some : Said by Jakob to get away from Lynda. (Suggested by SabrinaT)
Sherrins: unresolved loose ends (B Yonda)
"s/he's not dead, s/he's just in Birmingham": explanation for a vanished character, as Roy told Rex about Mike (villageschoolmaam)
Shornock Honor: Sean O'Connor (Flageolet Bean)
Shorn O'Competence, Shorn: Sean O'Connor (joe)
Shouty Mam: Caitlin Thomas (catvirago)
Shrewla: Shula Archer/Hebden/Hebden Lloyd (ProphetTenebrae)
Shovehorn: Siobhan Hathaway (now Donovan, RIP) (trad., anon.)
Shrewsun: Susan Carter (Sturmey Archer)
SHTTC: Shake Helen To The Core (Jarlene Whiplash)
Shortbread Tin: Jazzer McCreary (Grey Gabbler)
Shula-burning: see wicker heifers
skipfuls: see cyber-drinks
sillyloquies: any of the sillier monologues in 2020 (Tumbletussock)
Singing in the Shah: Adil Shah (gus)
SL: story line, as provided by the editorial team (trad., anon.)
SLG: Spotty Little Gobshite - Josh Archer (Gus)
Slime: Sam Batten (trad., anon.)
Slime Ball, the: Rob Titchener (Mrs Perkins)
SLIPS — Story Line Induced Personality Syndrome: A condition wherein a character suddenly displays behaviours contrary to normal that is brought about by the Script Writers purely for the sake of introducing an Issue (Coronach)
SLIT - slimy little idiot twonk: Tom Archer (Miss Frog)
Slough of Socspond: what The Archers is now wallowing in (DracsM1)
SLT — Snarty Little Twonk: Tom Archer (Dusty Substances)
SLT: Son of Later Tony (Roxette) (Tom Archer is now played by the son of the Tony Archer actor)
Slug, The: Roy Tucker (refers to his negative charisma) (steenbok)
Smarmy Trekkers, The: Toby and Rex Fairbrother (Jane Townie)
Sneeze, the: Anisha Jayakody (Foamrubberperson)
SnellPiffle: what Lynda Snell utters (Sturmey Archer)
Snitchyrob: Rob Titchener (MidgetGemII)
Snivelbeth: Elizabeth Pargetter (Gus)
snork: when something you read is so funny that you splutter (or nearly splutter) your lunch/coffee/false teeth across the screen and keyboard (trad., anon.)
Snyff: Lynda Snell sniff (Chris Ghoti)
Sob: Rob Titchener, who cries to order (JPBS) and as a S.O.B. (joe)
SOC: Story Over Character (joe, inspired by "SCC")
Sock, The Sock: Sean O'Connor
Socko: Sean O'Connor (Lackadaisy?)
socks, sox: euphemisms used back when "sex" was a word banned on the BBC board. Nowadays we can mention sex as much as we like, but some people still prefer the euphemism, while others deplore it (trad., anon.)
soco: Sean O'Connor (irene)
SOCophants: people who will hear/accept no wrong of Sean O'Connor (joe)
Soddem and Begorrah: Adam Macy and Ian Craig (trad., anon.)
soggy octopus: see "damp squid" (Broken Arrow)
Sossidge and Gnash: Tom and Natasha Archer ( Bert fry up)
soup: "It's only soup, I'm afraid" is the alternative to Grabba Sandwich (trad., anon.)
Sour Sisters, the: Miriam and Lulu Duxford (rosiet)
Sowcatraz: the new pig-unit at Berrow Farm (Snarklehound)
Sowditz: the proposed intensive pig unit at Berrow Farm (malahide)
Sow Quentin: the new pig-unit at Berrow Farm (Nelson_G)
Sparebrothers, the: Rex and Toby Fairbrother (Barwick_Green)
Spare Mousie: Ruairi's spare comfort toy in case anything should happen to Mousie (trad., anon.)
Spavin: Gavin Moss, son of Philip (Snarklehound)
Sphagnum Phil: Philip Moss (Roxette)
Sponge Farm: Bridge Farm (full of spongers, sops up misery) (Edgeley)
spoons: mentions of spoons or offers of wine gums are troll warnings (trad., anon.)
sporg: the offspring of Adam Macy and an egg-donor via Lexi Viktorova (typo by Wynkyn de Worde, picked up by Roxette, explained as "A cross between sprog and spawn, (of the devil), and also spork, utilitarian cutlery of neutral identity")
Spoton: Spoton sounds like an alien species. Maybe Henwee is a Spoton, he certainly doesn't sound human. (JustJanie, after a typo by Chris Ghoti)
spotting the walrus: the Archers equivalent of "jumping the shark" (Aonghas)
SPSK: Tom Archer ....Self-Pitying-Sossage-King (Broken Arrow)
Square Peg: Peggy Woolley (Zunky)
Squire Aldridge: Brian Aldridge (Sturmey Archer)
Squire Archer:David Archer (pahnda)
Squonk, the: Helen Titchener (The Green Man)
Stab Night, Stab Day: Sunday 3rd April 2016 (which was on Monday 4th according to the editor/script later that week)
Stabby and Grabby: Helen and Tom Archer (barwick_green)
stammering Cherokee, the: person brought into The Archers to help fill a minority quota (Used2B)
star tits, the: Nova and Seren Archer, the daughters of tomtit (catvirago)
star twits, the: Seren and Nova Archer (catvirago)
stoat dancing: what Rob does to fascinate his victims (steenbok)
St Pip:Philippa Archer
Strange Farm: Grange Farm (AFrend)
streptococcus: Steph Casey (catvirago's phone, predictive text for Stephanie)
StS: Sean O'Connor (Lady M?) NB: StS may also be St Shula
St Shools: Shula Archer/Hebden/Hebden Lloyd (trad., anon.)
St Shuggs: Shula Archer/Hebden/Hebden Lloyd (trad., anon.)
St Shugs: Shula Archer/Hebden/Hebden Lloyd (trad., anon.)
Styal: the new pig Gulag (Edgeley)
Stylag: the new pig-unit at Berrow Farm (Tonkarav)
suffocaged: what a teenage girl is by a constantly-attendant mother all day every day (barwick_green)
Superpeg: Peggy Woolley (Edgeley)
Superpip: Philippa Archer
Supersmarmysmugaliciousextrasnarkytrocious: Tom and Helen Archer (conceived by can't believe I utter, polished by Lilian's Twin)
SW: scriptwriter
Swamnesia: Scriptwriter Amnesia, forgetting things which happened more than a week ago (Snarklehound)
Sweary Carter: Emma Grundy (on air; Adrian York the PE teacher)
SWNI: Script Writing Nest of Idiots (dipblodocus)
Swiss army lawyer, the: Usha Franks (ProphetTenebrae)
Sydney: a land-travelling piranha with lots and lots of small sharp teeth, ally of Chris Ghoti
TA: The Archers
TAE: The Archers Encyclopedia
taffia, the: Philip and Gavin Moss (Barwick_Green)
taking the llama: making frivolous or spurious complaints (Broken Arrow)
TanK: the offspring of Tom and Kirsty (charmbrights)
TAP: The Archers Parody ie TA since 2018 (Purple_Hay)
TB: The Bull (forum)
TB: Timothy Bentinck, who plays David Archer (trad., anon.)
TBoTA: The Book of The Archers
TBTB: The Buggers That Be, caused by a typo for The Powers That Be by Gus (hiya loxley)
TBU: The Bull Upstairs (forum)
TC, the: The Thin Controller: Helen Titchener (trad., anon., pointed out by eljay)
Tea & Tat Central: the Bridge Farm café (dipblodogus)
Terrible Toby and Reliable Rex: the way to tell the Fairbrothers apart (Roxette)
Terrible Twits, the: Rex and Toby Fairbrother (Mister Legs)
Tesburys, Sainsbos, Toxics: supermarkets (trad., anon.)
TFW: That Fisher Woman, Janet Fisher, previous VOA (trad., anon.)
Theo Gambit, the: particular sort of plot cop-out. A character mentioned only in order to be the villain after a long-term character has been suspected. Theo was Alistair's partner who sold ketamine from the veterinary practice, and in 2002 Alistair was thought to have done so. (trad., anon.)
therapist, the: Rob Titchener with a missing space between words (anon.)
Thick Controller, the: Pip Archer (Broken Arrow)
Thin Controller: Helen Archer (trad., anon.)
Third Degree Burns: PC Harrison Burns (borchesterbouncer)
Therdigrie: possible female child of Fallon and Harrison Burns (MikeUniformMike)
Thrustin' Jellytot: Justin Elliott (steenbok)
Tiger and Pusscat: Matt Crawford and Lillian Bellamy (trad., anon.)
Time Order: looking at the latest posts from all threads on a board, rather than reading them at the end of each thread. Reached by clicking on "latest posts" next to the name of the forum in the forum index.
Timotei: Tim Oatey (Dean Volecape)
tin hat: what you put on if you suspect will need one after a post (trad., anon.)
Tipyard Cottage: Rickyard Cottage (felix the cat)
Tit, The: Rob Titchener (rosiet)
Titbum Shitehawk: Tristram Hawkshaw (joe)
Titchy and Bitchy: Rob and Ursula Titchener (Dun Diggin/cherrytree)
Titchynob: Rob Titchener (Dusty Substances)
Titchynob and Bitchysnob: Rob and Ursula Titchener (Dun Diggin)
TobeRag: Toby Fairbrother (Lynne C Doyle)
Toboggan: Carol Tregorran
tobanicals: plants when stolen by Toby Fairbrother (Marsh Gibbon)
Tobanist, the: Toby Fairbrother in his Botanicals hat (Marsh Gibbon)
tobemeister, the: Toby Fairbrother (Fuzzypeg the hedgehog - a tribute to American Pie's the Stifmeister)
Tobenwrecks: Toby and Rex Fairbrother (strokecitydave)
Toblerone: Toby Fairbrother (Aisling)
Toby Dick: Tony Fairbrother (binocular)
Tobying: lying (catvirago)
Toby Jug: Toby Fairbrother (OscarWildesWit)
toby or not toby: Rex and Toby Fairbrother (irene1)
Toby-the-Loafer: Toby Fairbrother (OscarWildesWit)
Toecurl: Toby Fairbrother (TUNA)
toerag: Toby Fairbrother (anon.)
TOG: TheOldGrundgie; Joe Grundy (Sturmey Archer)
Tomantash: Tom and Natasha Archer (Armitage Shanks)
Tomentity: Tom Archer as portrayed by William Troughton (Snarklehound)
Tomnonentity: Tom Archer Mark II (Purple_Hay)
tom'n'tash: Tom and Natasha Archer (catvirago)
Tompkins: Tom Archer (ProphetTenebrae)
Tomtasha: Tom and Natasha Archer (MikeUniformMike)
Tomtit: Tom Archer (catvirago on Peet's, catsmother on another board)
Tom Turnip: Tom Archer (TufTanya, riffing on an idea from Zunky)
Tosh: Josh Archer (Broken Arrow)
Toss Bros, the: Rex and Toby Fairbrother (rosiet)
TOTIT: Roy Tucker, The Only Tucker In Town (Barwick_Green)
Tovy, The Tove: Toby Fairbrother — The Tove is undoubtedly very slithy (Letty Cartwright typo, spotted by Baggy n' Snatch)
trape: inspired typo for tripe (barwick_green)
Trebog-roll: any Tregorran (Sturmey Archer)
T-Rex: Toby and Rex Fairbrother
Trex: Toby and Rex Fairbrother (RosieT)
Trexit: what we wish for the Fairbrothers (eljay)
tropical insect: topical insert (joe)
tropical inserts: these happen when something relevant to Real Life (OMT) is inserted in a last-minute recording session just before an episode is aired, as for instance when the Queen Mother died. The BBC boringly calls them topical inserts. (trad., anon.)
Truss: Russ Jones (Mighty Thor)
TTAAI: Treating The Audience As Idiots (elizabeth church)
TTP: Taking The Pee (Purple_Hay)
TTYLIML: The Things You Learn In Mustardland (trad., anon.)
Turnipboy: Jakob Hakansson – not a Swede though often mistaken for one (CloggyMcClogface)
TVH: The Village Hall (forum)
TVOA: The vicar of Ambridge (trad., anon.)
Tweedie One, The: Sean O'Connor (Foamrubberperson)
Twelve pigs short of a lorry load: Ambridge-speak for "one sandwich short of a picnic" (Simon Frith in a script)
TWFL: The World's First lesbian, Pip Archer (Mumsnet)
TWID (The Window of Impending Doom): Bridge Farm Dairy viewing window (Agapornis)
TWHW: The Way He's Written (carrick-bend)
Twindow: the projected window at St Stephen's for Nova and Seren (AFrend)
TwinkleTop: Emma Grundy (Sturmey Archer)
Twitties: two incomes two terrible infants ie Tom etc (Aonghas)
Twittinobs, the: Helen and Rob Titchener (Flageolet Bean)
twonklets: Natasha and Tom Archer's prospective twins (Fuzzypeg the hedgehog)
Twrecks: Toby and Rex Fairbrother (catvirago)
TWSOE: The Wrong Sort Of Editor (Chris Ghoti)
TWSOL: The Wrong Sort Of Listener (Dusty Substances?)
TWSW: The Way She's Written (carrick-bend and Chris Ghoti)
Tyson Titchener: Rob Titchener (Fullon Antiques)
UCE: Unconvincing/Unbelievable Continuity Error (carrick-bend)
Umbridge: Ambridge (Steve Crook, 1973)
UMRA (UK/Media/Radio/Archers): the first online discussion group for TA, long before the BBC got involved in this internet business. Some of the links listed at www.umra.freeuk.com do still work.
undiscover'd country, the: Birmingham (William Shakespeare, Hamlet – not about Birmingham! – quoted by Joe K)
Unspellable One, the: Ruairi Donovan (trad., anon.)
Unwelcome Matt: to be put out by Dopey Dearest on the day that Pip announces that it is curtains for her unconvincing relationship with Mr Fourth Northern Accent (Tuna Tuxedo)
Ursual: Ursula Titchener (I'm sticking with Ursual, now, because that's what I always seem to type, and I'm getting sick of correcting it — Joe K)
Ursulator, the: Ursula Titchener (designerwelly's OH)
Ursuloathe: Ursula Titchener (irene)
Vaccuum, the: Henry Archer (Red Mug)
"VanBlessa": Vanessa Whitburn (after she said "the listeners, bless them" in an interview)
Vanisha: Anisha Jayakody (This Harming Man)
Vauxhall: Nova Archer (BadlyWrittenBoy)
vermiform appendix, the: Toby Fairbrother (joe)
Vicar of Nibbly, the: Alan Franks (Ron Bacardi)
Vice: Vince Casey (irresistible typo by Susanat38)
Vice Principal, the: Russ Jones (Chris Ghoti)
village of the dumbed, the: Ambridge, since nobody can speak about Rob (French Marigold)
Vince the Mince: Vince Casey (Greenpen)
visit some sheep, I need to : Said by Jakob to get away from Lynda. (Suggested by SabrinaT)
voicy likeys: those male characters introduced into The Archers since 2013 whose voices are well-nigh impossible to tell apart (DanzacRose)
Violent Elizabeth: Elizabeth Pargetter (trad., anon.)
Vowelstrangler, the: Daisy Badger as Pip Archer (ArnaldAlmaric)
VW: Vanessa Whitburn, editor of The Archers between June 1991 and May 2013
WAINS: Why Am I Not Surprised (Chris Ghoti)
WAINSS: Why Am I Not Surprised Susu (Susu's response)
WAYNS: Why Are You Not Surprised (Chris Ghoti)
WEE: Worst Episode Ever (Gus)
weedles: the three membersof Rewilding Ambridge (dougie)
Werebaker, the: Jill Archer ("I can see it now. Backlit by the moon a figure appears climbing over a wall. The figure leans back over and places a plant holder on castors (marked 'orangery. Do not remove') next to her and ties a length of washing line to it. One more rummage behind the wall and a le crueset is placed lovingly on the pot holder. The figure sniffs the air, spins to the right and mutters 'home, must walk' and sets off tugging her strange cargo jerkily behind her. Soon, it is just the moonlight and a plaintive hooting." poshscouse)
werejill (see Werebaker): Jill Archer (irene)
weskly: weak, unco-ordinated, unsure what you are doing, having mild hallucinations; common result of having drink taken, or failed to eat for several days (Armitage Shanks; a typo for weekly, explained by Chris Ghoti)
"What are you doing here?": used with a full name to introduce a character into a scene. As Joe says, "Shula Archer, what are you doing here?" Similarly "Isn't that X over there talking to Y?" is used to suggest more characters present than are voiced.
"What brings you here?" see "What are you doing here?"
wicker heifer: On Valentine's night, 2006, posters met to burn an effigy of Shula, or Shula in an effigy (trad., anon.)
what the fudge!: obviously a euphemism for what the fuck (said by Jennifer Aldridge, 13/6/2019)
Whirry the little robot boy: Ruairi Donovan (Mister Legs)
wicked witch of the Welsh, the: Natasha Archer (Broken Arrow)
wickering: disposing of a character by burning them in (an) effigy (trad., anon.)
Widderbeth: Elizabeth Pargetter (dipblodogus)
Widdleon: Jack Archer (Snarklehound)
Widow Plasterer, the: Elizabeth Pargetter (Steve green)
Wiener Baron: Tom Archer (trad., anon.)
Willy Farm: Willow Farm with Roy in residence (Aisling)
Windy Miller: Kirsty Miller (gus)
Wince: Vince Casey (SturmeyArcher)
Window of Impending Doom, the (TWID): Bridge Farm Dairy viewing window (Agapornis)
wine gums see spoons
Witchy and Titchy: Ursula Titcheder and Rob Titchener (Fullon Antiques)
WOE: Whim Of Editor (Chris Ghoti)
Wooden Bums: PC Harrison Burns (rosiet)
Woodencop: PC Harrison Burns
Woodentop: PC Harrison Burns
wailfest: what anyone in The Archers, and in particular at Bridge Farm, has if they are upset at all about anything (Miss Frog)
worat: a wrod which evolved over time into a vicious, fanged rodent, which some long-standing posters still occasionally blame for bad things which happen in real life (I expect the worst). LadyM has one. Be afraid.
An explanation of the origin has been given by primrose a moocow on 29/9/2021:
"Worat came out of the BBC Mustardland boards during the Foot and Mouth crisis in 2001.
"I was in effect in lockdown along with the cattle and sheep, worried sick, stumbled upon the oasis of the TA message boards, and joined in. Towards the end of the whole sorry affair, I didn't have time to post for some time because of all the extra work (with extra work on top) brought about by the careful procedures of "unlocking" ~ including desperately needed movement of stock.
"When I did post a nupdate ~ which was that blood tests from the sheep had come back negative for exposure to virus, meaning that for us, the crisis was over, a MLer (think it was our Doyenne, Jan, but could be wrong) replied that she'd feared the worat had happened because of my absence!
"Well, ML being ML, the typo was leapt on with mustardy glee, and the rest is History."
World's First Lesbian, The: Pip Archer (Mumsnet)
Wor Roothie: Ruth Archer (trad., anon.)
Worsula/Wursula: Ursula Titchener (Foamrubberperson )
WR: Wor Roothie, Ruth Archer; her mother said "Wor" for "Our" (trad., anon.)
Wrecked and Floppy: Rex and Toby Fairbrother (Edgeley)
Wrecks: Rex Fairbrother (TUNA)
wrods: accepted typing errors given meanings (trad., anon.) primrose a moocow adds: "I think it comes from Peet himself and is a word used to describe a typo."
Wuss: Russ Jones (catvirago)
WWW: the wicked witch of the Welsh, Natasha Archer (Marvin PA)
Yawnington Crescent!: exclamation for use when Rob is introduced into the conversation (Flageolet Bean)
YCHIBW: You Can't Have It Both Ways — comment on Pat's position regarding Rob (carrick-bend)
Ye Maggikal (Magickal) Babe: Henry Archer (Ms Mumbo-Jumbo)
YL-DT: Pip Archer (Broken Arrow) (see yodelling loose-drawered twit)
YMBY: You Mustn't Blame Yourself – said to Helen when she is to blame (trad., anon.)
Yodelcoward, the: Pip Archer (Tuna)
yodelling loose-drawered twit: Pip Archer (Tuna Tuxedo)
YodelPip: Pip Archer (Redwick)
Yoko: Ruth Archer (Oooooohhhh Noooooo!) (Sturmey Archer)
You Mustn't Blame Yourself: said to Helen when she is to blame (trad., anon.)
