A new past is invented for Neil, and Kirsty and Rex look to the future.
Characters: Neil, Hannah,
Kirsty, Rex
Credited scriptwriter:
Sarah McDonald Hughes
Director:
Kim Greengrass
Editor: Jeremy Howe
On the morning after the night before Neil is hungover and a bit dizzy, but he and Hannah are at work tending to the pigs at Berrow and checking the fence posts to contain the sows in future. They both enjoyed the small and select party last night, and so did Susan. Hannah manages to be sympathetic about missing George without actually saying she is sorry he was sent to prison, which would be a lie judging by her previous opinions on the subject. Neil doesn't think he and Susan have ever spent a Christmas and New Year without getting the whole family together at some point [apart from 1993, the year Susan was in prison, perhaps... Chris], and says that when he was young himself he used to imagine family Christmases with a big extended family; it was something he always wanted. Hannah enquires whether he always knew he wanted kids, and Neil, having considered the matter, says that he thinks he did, so she goes on to ask if he was from a big family.
[This leads to a complete load of hokum, not borne out by anything on air before this episode nor by anything in the reference texts published by the BBC to date. I shall put it into brackets and keep it continuous rather than put it into scenes with breaks at dramatic moments and interpolations from Hannah as it was broadcast. Chris.]
(According to Neil's/Sarah McDonald Hughes' fantasy, Neil never knew his birth mother or father. He was found when he was about two days old on the steps of a bakery in Southport. The woman who found him was the baker's daughter, Nelly Bannister, a wonderful woman who initially took him to the local police – who took him to the nearest children's home – and then kept in touch with him throughout his childhood, during the course of which he was in nine children's homes before he was five [total bollocks and simply would not happen. Chris] and then fostered by the couple he called Mum and Dad. By then he'd made his way down the country from Southport via Liverpool and Birmingham to Worcester. [Out of area three times. Give over; the other one has bells on. Chris.] According to this fairy-tale, it's what used to happen: kids got shipped about depending on where there was space and suitable placements. Neil says he doesn't remember an awful lot and being so young, just got on with it. His foster parents Sandra and Dennis, now long dead, were nice, good people, and it was a bit like living in a train [sic. Chris] station with other foster kids coming and going, but it was a safe, warm place to grow up, with always a pot of something cooking on the stove [was this a pot of message? Gus] and washing drying in the kitchen and the Shipping Forecast on the radio. He stayed there until he left school and started in Ambridge as a farming apprentice and could afford digs in the village. He never met his biological mum: he both wanted to and didn't want to. He doesn't know what happened to Nelly Bannister, and wishes that he did.)
A hungover Kirsty opens her door to bouncy Rex, who has come to make fun of her for having got drunk and been still at his party at quarter to three in the morning. He claims he is there for their New Year Brunch date, for which he has been shopping specially, and insists they agreed to this in the early hours; she doesn't remember having done so. She just wants him to go away, but he demands entry and tells her to go and have a shower while he throws a shakshuka (she doesn't know what that is) together.
(Another scene of the Neil fantasy.)
It seems that Kirsty likes shakshuka and thinks it is amazing, though she is still hung over and somewhat fragile. She asks Rex to distract her with beavers. His research has led him to conclude that this will be a long-drawn-out process, taking years rather than months before they can let the beavers loose, and that the fencing alone will cost sixty grand; they are looking at two hundred grand over five years, and Kirsty can't see how anyone manages to do it. Rex suggests talking to the woman from Borsetshire Wildlife again, because there may be other options, but Kirsty doesn't think it likely. They can't afford what is being quoted, and can't afford to wait eighteen months either, but she doesn't want to give up; she is interrupted by an urgent need to be sick, for which she blames the chorizo rather than having been very drunk the previous night. Rex drags her out for a walk.
The Carter Christmas Cake is a great success, and Hannah and Neil sit eating it with a cup of tea each, with Neil saying it was good to talk about his childhood and he doesn't often; it's not a secret and Susan and the kids know [he hasn't told them yet, so how can they? Chris] as well as a few others, but he's always felt the past should stay in the past, and he doesn't particularly want to find out about his birth mum. He's content with the family he's got now and has no urge to go disrupting things. Hannah thinks he's amazing, but Neil just thinks he has been fortunate.
To her surprise Kirsty feels OK, and she and Rex admire the scenery, in particular the rewilding. Kirsty is sure they can't just give up: this site is perfect for beavers. Rex says that he wishes they could just get a few beavers and release them: they lived there until the sixteenth century. Kirsty tells him he is a genius: all they have to do is get hold of some beavers from somewhere and let them go. Job done! Rex asks her if she is serious; she tells him they should just stop worrying about all the red tape and just do it. A wild release, says Rex, testing the idea, and she confirms it: a wild release.
Summarised by Chris Ghoti
Joy is worried, Lee is leaving, and Henry unwittingly helps Helen's cause.
Characters: Pat, Helen,
Tony, Khalil, Henry, Hero-the-goat, Mick,
Rex, Lee,
Joy
Credited scriptwriter: Sarah
McDonald Hughes
Director: Kim
Greengrass
Editor: Jeremy Howe
Pat is getting ready for Henry's birthday tea and taking some ice-cream over to the house: vanilla to go with Madeira cake, rather than the chocolate Henry prefers, but in the end she takes some chocolate as well. Helen has given Henry some superhero convention tickets for her present to him, after he dropped several hints. Khalil is coming over to see him in the afternoon, and Lee is coming to see him too; he has a present for Henry so Helen told him they'd be at the farmhouse, but doesn't think he will want to hang around for long enough to share the chilli because 'he has a lot going on at the moment'. Tony will now go to check on the Anguses and Pat will see if Susan needs help in the dairy, but Helen just wants to ask before they go: they are all right, aren't they, after the other day? Her parents reassure her they are.
Henry, Khalil and Hero the goat have foregathered after school. Khalil wonders what his mum would say if he turned up with a goat (nothing positive, it seems); Henry displays quite a lot of general knowledge about animals, and offers to let Khalil come and see Hero whenever he likes. They also talk of dormice and dormouse boxes, and the rewilding project in general: Henry suggests Khalil might like to go there. Hero enlivens proceedings by escaping.
At The Bull, Mick encounters Rex and they talk together while Kenton is away changing a barrel. Mick is there for some ale with which to make a beef-and-ale stew, and Rex enquires if Joy's migraine is better; Mick seems to have forgotten that's why they were not at Rex's party. He covers this by telling Rex that he and his boat made a hit with Rochelle, and Rex says enthusiastically that she is great, before asking if she plans to stay long. When Mick says he isn't sure but he could ask, Rex says he doesn't want him to.
Rounding up Hero is proving difficult for Henry and Khalil, but Lee arrives in time to help and the truant is soon brought back to his fold. Henry introduces Lee and Khalil, but Khalil is summoned home and has to go: his mum is going to take him round the sales. After Khalil 's departure Lee tells Henry that his present is up at the house, and Henry tells him that Helen got him tickets to the Superhero Convention in the summer in Birmingham; he invites Lee to go with him, but come the summer Lee will be in San Francisco, which he hadn't planned to tell Henry on his birthday.
Having gone to the shop on his way home, Mick tells Joy that Rex fancies Rochelle, which makes her very thoughtful. Mick asks what's wrong, and she muses that it seems a bit quick: they hardly know each other. Mick thinks it's nice, and Rochelle could do a lot worse and so could Rex, but Joy is not sure Rochelle needs a relationship right now, and when Mick argues that she's been single a while, tells him that the thing with Rochelle is she presents herself as someone who's got herself together, but she hasn't really. She's actually a very long way from having herself together. Mick persists that she seems all right to him, and Joy says that yes, that's what she's trying to say, Rochelle seems all right but she isn't, not really. Mick asks whether she might not be being a bit over-protective. Rex and Rochelle are adults and if they want to go out for a drink that's up to them: what harm can it do? Patiently Joy tells him that she knows he means well but there are a lot of things that he doesn't know when it comes to Rochelle, and she can't tell them to him because it's complicated and difficult to explain and ... Anyway, she's at work. Mick apologises and says he only went out for some ale for the stew, and thought he'd drop by to see her; he'd never have mentioned anything about Rex if he'd thought it would be so controversial; Joy denies that it's controversial, and claims to be a bit busy; Mick retreats to the house to get cooking.
Lee is explaining himself: he wants to be near his daughters. Henry is very adult and understanding about it, though he sounds rather gloomy. Lee will really miss him and Jack, but they can keep in touch and maybe even visit. Henry asks if he is going to stay there for good, and Lee says that at the moment he doesn't know, but he will keep them posted. When Lee gets up to go inside, Henry tells him to go on and Henry will be there in a minute.
All Rex wants to do is buy some milk, but he stays to chat a little, saying that Mick told him Joy feels a lot better and that is good; in return she tells him they were sorry to miss his do, and she hopes he had a good time. He tells her it was fun, and that it was good to see Rochelle. As he starts to leave, wishing Joy a happy new year, she seems to pluck up her courage and although she doesn't know if she should say anything, informs him that Mick said Rex was thinking of asking Rochelle out and Joy really thinks it's better if he doesn't. Rex is dumbfounded: Mick said what? Joy is embarrassed, but sticks to her guns: Mick thought he might like her. Rex says that of course he likes Rochelle, but he hardly knows her; Joy clearly hopes she had the wrong end of the stick and he wasn't thinking of asking her out, but just in case he was, she thought it best to... she knows he's a lovely person and would only have good intentions, but the thing is, Rochelle is much more vulnerable than she seems. Rex must think she's an interfering old woman (which Rex instantly denies) and Joy knows she is interfering but it just really isn't a good idea for Rochelle to get involved with anyone at the moment, not even in a casual way. Rex lets this sink in, then tells her that if she doesn't think it's a good idea, that's good enough for him. It seems a little bit strange, but it's fine. Joy thanks him.
Henry is hard at work on something rather than at his birthday tea, but Helen though he seemed OK when she put her head round the door. Tony is cross that Lee chose Henry's birthday to divulge that he would be going away, but Helen explains he had to because of the convention. When Henry comes in, though, he knows at once what they have been talking about and tells them he is fine about it; sorry that Lee is going, because he likes him, but they can stay in touch. Pat and Helen are both touched by this, and it then turns out that Henry has been working on a project not for school but for Bridge Farm. He makes several basic marketing suggestions such as loyalty cards for the shop, films on social media [which George has already been doing. Chris], a kids' club with discounts on ice-cream ... The adults are blown away by his enthusiasm and the excellence of his suggestions.
Summarised by Chris Ghoti
Two can keep a secret if one of them is dead. Three definitely can't.
Characters: Hannah, Chris,
Kirsty, Rex, Khalil
Credited
scriptwriter: Sarah McDonald Hughes
Director:
Kim Greengrass
Editor: Jeremy Howe
At the playground Martha is on the climbing frame and Chris claims to be terrified by her fearlessness when Hannah comes over to say hello. She retails to him having been told Neil's fairy-story origins, and Chris confirms that it's 'a pretty amazing story'; they agree that Neil is a pretty amazing person. Chris has to leave in five minutes to take Martha to stay with Alice for the night, and has no plans for the evening himself. He is then struck by an idea: he and Hannah never went for the drink they planned to, so why not do that tonight? Maybe not The Bull, though: Felpersham? There's a new cocktail bar by the station. They arrange that Hannah will book a taxi and pick Chris up at quarter to six.
Just as Kirsty puts the phone down Rex comes in, then apologises for interrupting her. She has been talking with her friend Neo of 'Bring the Beavers Back', who has essentially told her they should go ahead with unauthorised beaver release, and is coming over to have a look at the site at six this evening. It was all very covert: they are to go down to the woods, find a quiet spot and then send her their location.
It seems that Chris can, and will, talk about Martha literally for hours, interspersed with memories of his own childhood and how Martha's doings remind him of it. Hannah is told the enthralling fact that he was born with a unilateral cleft palate and had to have an operation to correct it, which meant nothing to him at the time but made his parents worry about him and wrap him in cotton wool. He finally realises that he has talked at Hannah for ages and apologises for it, and she makes a joke of it and then claims it was interesting.
A male tawny owl is providing a properly spooky soundtrack for Kirsty and Rex's rendezvous with Neo [will it preen? Gus]; Kirsty has sent her their location and they are waiting for her to arrive. Rex finds it all a bit much, meeting under cover of darkness and sending her their coordinates instead of over a cup of tea in the office. [But where is the fun in conspiring to break the law without melodrama? Chris.] Kirsty thinks Neo is right to be careful, given the illegality, about which Rex knows, and he is not 'all right' with it really: the idea that they are breaking the law makes him extremely uncomfortable, though he does think they should find out more about it and see if it's an option. Kirsty reckons that if they want beavers at Rewilding Ambridge it might be their only option. [And since they were Rex's idea and he was the one who wanted them it seems churlish to drag his feet now. Chris.] As Kirsty says words to the effect 'infirm of purpose, gimme the daggers' they hear a noise, and at first think Neo has arrived; forgetting the need for secrecy, Kirsty shouts her name and tells her they are by the stream, but it is Khalil. And he has heard everything they have been saying, including the bit about illegality, because he has been crouched behind the logpile while they were talking. Rex disputes his description of them as 'some kind of eco-warriors' and Kirsty asserts that they are just trying to do what's right, so he wants to know why the top-secret mission in the woods at night. She tells him that they have to be discreet because what they are doing is controversial to some people, but it shouldn't be: all they want to do is to reintroduce beavers to the land. It turns out she is preaching to the choir: not only does Khalil know a fair bit about beavers, he is completely in favour of reintroducing them. The message 'Beavers Good' is hammered home again by Rex [who could bore for the Milky Way on the subject. Chris.] talking about biodiversity and the many species that would come in their wake. Khalil begs to be allowed to stay and hear what their contact has to tell them, and they reluctantly agree that he can so long as he leaves the talking to them.
The pair in the cocktail bar are no longer sober, but Chris is still liable to mention Martha and her doings at the drop of a feather; Hannah butters him up when he apologises for it by saying it's fine and she thinks Martha is great. Chris tells her a bit owlishly that is good, because he thinks she is great, and moves to kiss her, which she wasn't expecting. He wants to go back thirty seconds and forget it ever happened, and Hannah thinks maybe them having a drink was a bad idea, or not a bad idea because it's been nice but she doesn't know: she just doesn't feel like it's going to work. She really likes him but she feels like he's not really looking for a girlfriend, he's looking for a family. Maybe what he really wants is the family he had, Martha and Alice. [He didn't ever really have both the other two at once, did he. Chris.] Chris can't believe that she thinks he'd want to be with Alice,and she can't explain; maybe she's wrong, she mutters. But is he over Alice? He prevaricates about them having been together a long time so he'll always have some feelings towards her, and Hannah suggests that feelings are like memories: sometimes we push them down, but that doesn't mean they're not there. Maybe he needs to have a think about what it is he really wants; he says he doesn't really know. She then offers to get them some beers: it seems a shame to go home so soon. He thanks her, and she says it's fine.
After Neo has left them, Khalil is free to rhapsodise on the theme of beavers; his enthusiasm is exhausting, and loud; both Kirsty and Rex shush him; he is sorry but explains that he is so excited. Apparently Neo has said that enclosing beavers would be like caging elephants on the Serengeti, and this has captured Khalil's imagination. Neo has said she could hook them up with some beavers, no problem. [Opens one side of trenchcoat. "Gorra lovely set 'ere, owned by an old lady wot only took them out on weekends." Hedgers.] They are inclined to be cautious, Rex in particular, but conclude that they probably are going to do it. Talking to Neo made it seem like they have to do this, don't they? The benefits far outweigh the risks. Khalil is exuberantly, noisily delighted, and wants to know when they get their beavers. Kirsty doesn't know, and realises that they need to swear him to absolute secrecy: he can't breathe a word of this to anyone, not Henry, not his friends at school, not anyone. He says he has got it, and at once starts to plan that they need a secret sign to use round the village, for no reason whatever. Kirsty vetoes the idea and says that what they need is to remain extremely calm. Khalil claims that he is calm, and Rex soberly says that basically, it would be really great if he never mentioned this again. Forget it ever happened. Khalil can't do that: this is the most exciting moment of his life and he's never going to forget a single moment of it. Kirsty's 'great' in response to this is definitely not enthusiastic, but Khalil assures her that he won't tell: their secret is well safe with him. Rex laughs mirthlessly.
Summarised by Chris Ghoti
What did I say about three? Leonard doesn't want to move in, and Fallon is shut out.
Characters: Leonard, David,
Ruth, Tracy, Kenton, Jolene, Fallon,
Khalil
Credited scriptwriter:
Shaun McKenna
Director: Peter
Leslie Wild
Editor: Jeremy Howe
As usual, Leonard is trying to be helpful and David is refusing his assistance. Jill is upstairs packing for a visit to Shula in Sunderland, and she and Ruth will want tea, he suggests. Leonard says it seems to him that it might be a good time for him to go home, and David says breezily that he can pick up anything Leonard wants when he goes to Farm Supplies shortly, but Leonard meant go home as in 'stop staying at Brookfield'. David's immediate reaction is to try to dissuade him, and when Ruth comes down she immediately comes in on David's side, but Leonard is determined. He takes the tea up to Jill, leaving Ruth and David agreeing that they will miss him; Ruth decides that it would be better if he moved in permanently. David seems less enthusiastic about this than she is, and says it has to be Mum's decision. And Leonard's, Ruth adds in a minatory way. She'll have a word while she's helping Jill pack.
Tracy arrives for work full of enthusiasm, and starts to encourage Kenton to organise special Events at The Bull in the slack month of January; between them they concoct the idea of Wayne cooking dishes from different countries, which they will call 'Wayne's World'. Jolene's arrival casts a damper on this: she tells them Wayne is off on a cruise on Thursday. He will be working in a band, replacing one of their members. It's the cruise of a lifetime, and Jolene asks rhetorically whether she could have said 'no'; Kenton's immediate reply is 'yes', and he is even more alarmed when she tells him it's for six weeks. Initially envious of Wayne, Tracy realises, when Jolene speaks of calling the agency and getting a cover, that this could be an opportunity for her: she volunteers to help out. Kenton is incredulous but then enthusiastic, and Tracy tells them she would love the chance to prove herself. Jolene says a rather brisk 'Thanks, Tracy', and Tracy asks if that's a yes; Jolene says good-humouredly that it may be a maybe, till they find someone. Tracy is a hundred percent sure she could do it, and while Jolene appeals to Kenton she adds that if it makes life easier, she could do the whole six weeks. Jolene argues that they'd have to cover her bar shifts, but Tracy points out that it's easier to find someone for that than a qualified chef at no notice. [They don't have one of those in Tracy either, do they. Sigh. Chris.] Kenton acknowledges the truth of this, and although Jolene says they will talk about it, his reply to that it that they could just say yes: why not? Is it OK with Jolene? Thus pressurised, Jolene supposes the answer is yes. Tracy is extremely pleased, and dances away saying this is going to be amazing. Kenton wishes that all their problems got sorted out so fast, and Jolene worries about whether they have done the right thing; as she speaks, Fallon comes in. She has brought them some surplus mini-fondants she has made, and is on her way to see her father, who has told her he has news he wants to tell her in person. She'll catch them later. The two realise that they may just have made a silly mistake; as Jolene now realises, they should have asked Fallon first.
Although David didn't expect her back yet, Ruth returns from delivering Jill to Felpersham, where Leonard made sure they were at the station an hour early. She has left him and Jill having coffee and says, as if of small children, that they are 'so sweet together'. She has spoken to Jill, who, to David's surprise, doesn't want Leonard to move in but thinks it's best if they carry on like before. Ruth thinks she is scared; David finds that hard to credit. She closes the conversation as Khalil comes into view, telling David that she has Wednesday's event to finalise. Left with instructions to talk to Khalil, David replies to the impertinent question 'why have you got a quad bike?' with surprising patience. Khalil asks if Jill is there. David tells him that he has missed her, and she has gone to Sunderland to see David's sister, so he asks if he can talk to David instead. He has an essay to write by Tuesday, about a landscape of his choice, but he would prefer to write about a farm from a predator's point of view. He was thinking about Jill's bees and the Asian hornets, but there must be other predators. David has to tell him there aren't really: there are plenty of animals that do damage, though. When Khalil says that'll do David tells him he can't stand around chatting because he is off to the winter housing; uninvited, Khalil says he will come too.
Regret is the order of the day for Jolene and Kenton, while Tracy is eagerly planning what she will be able to do for a menu; this is compounded when Fallon comes into the bar, having spoken with Wayne, and they have to break it to her that the job she now says she would be absolutely delighted to do for them has already been offered to Tracy – Kenton tries not to tell her, but Jolene is more straightforward. Fallon is disappointed but, after a short pause, assures them that Tracy will be great, her chips are legendary, and it's honestly not a problem: it was just an idea. And she has to run and will see them later. As she goes Jolene says she could kick herself. Or Kenton. Injured innocent Kenton asks 'what have I done?'
Once launched onto animals that can do damage on a farm David is in his element complaining about them: rats can do a lot of damage, and badgers can cause havoc, though David has badger-proofed Brookfield. Khalil asks if they aren't hibernating, and David tells him they don't hibernate, which leads Khalil to ask if beavers hibernate. With splendid inevitability, once beavers have been mentioned David makes it clear that he regards them as a menace, and in his determination to defend them Khalil says too much and gives away his personal interest, mentioning the name Neo. He then tries to leave, but David won't allow that: he is determined to know what Khalil is talking about and why.
Meanwhile Leonard has come back later than Ruth expected, not having been able to get a taxi, and is in a bit of a state. As Ruth is asking what has happened to upset him David bursts in full of righteous indignation about what he has learned from Khalil, but Ruth won't allow him to speak until she has found out that Leonard has had bad news in the post: one of his university friends has died and the funeral is on Wednesday. He doesn't want to talk about it or have any tea, and goes to sit in the other room for a bit. David forgets his grievance in concern about the death, though he feels that this 'Frank' must have been a fair age if they were at yew-knee together; Ruth feels that doesn't make it any easier. She asks what David was raging about when he came in, and he informs her that Khalil told him something unbelievable.
Summarised by Chris Ghoti
Brad is floundering, Tracy is magnanimous and David has his rant.
Characters: Brad, Tracy,
Lily, Justin, Kirsty, David
Credited
scriptwriter: Shaun McKenna
Director:
Peter Leslie Wild
Editor: Jeremy Howe
Brad is trying to work in the library but is interrupted, first by a phone call from his mother, whom he eventually manages to get rid of, and then by Lily, who takes it upon herself to lecture him about using a telephone in the library in front of a sign saying 'no telephones', and then stays for a bit of inconsequential chat and wants to buy him a coffee.
At the rewilding, Justin is talking enthusiastically to Kirsty about the dormouse boxes when David comes in demanding to know from Kirsty whether what he has heard is true. Since he doesn't get round for some time to saying what he has heard, his sound and fury somewhat baffles both Kirsty and Justin, even though he is 'speaking as a Borsetshire NFU member' who is objecting to 'this ludicrous plan' which he seems unable to give a name to. Kirsty thinks she might have some idea what he is talking about; Justin hasn't, and bluntly asks him 'what plan?' Apparently, according to David, they are talking about food security; one minute after bursting in, he tells Kirsty that he knows all about Neo, which leads Justin to say that he's glad David does but he is none the wiser. Exasperated by this indication of denseness, David snorts but condescends to explain to him that Kirsty and Rex have been plotting with some eco lowlife, with an improbable name, to release beavers: a wild release, Justin, he fulminates, an illegal wild release; he found out yesterday. Beavers would be bad enough in an enclosure; running free and uncontrolled they'd be a nightmare. Kirsty demands to know who told him, guesses that it was Khalil, and tries to defuse the argument that way, but fails; David tells her not to blame the boy, because he teased it out of him. As Kirsty tries to start making excuses and denying things Justin pushes her to one side verbally, telling her to leave it to him, and – from his position of complete ignorance of what David is talking about – sets out to shut David down. He tells him that it is no secret they are investigating the possibility of a carefully controlled, entirely legal release of beavers, in a high-grade, secure enclosure. David snorts as he flannels about a future consultation at a suitable forum. When he has finished David agrees that all sounds very reasonable, except that it's not what's happening. Is it, Kirsty? Justin is surprised: isn't it?
Lily manages to get out of Brad his uncertainty about the assessment that is coming up, and gives him plenty of good advice, from her knowledgeable position of having failed to stay a course at university once already. He doesn't think it is going well, and feels that he might have to give up the course; she feels that he ought to stop devoting time to George Grundy's business, and missing lectures to go and see George in prison, and concentrate on his studies. She has also noticed he hasn't been doing shifts at Grey Gables [which suggests she is still on her summer work-experience placement there. Chris] and he admits he needs the money but hasn't got the time. University maths is very different from A-level maths, and he has been taught things at college he's now being told to forget.
Kirsty admits there was a meeting, because they want to examine every possibility. David suggests with feeling that there is a difference between 'examining possibilities' and having after-dark trysts with militant activists in the middle of a wood in winter. He proposes to make this very public: she won't get away with it. Justin splutters and tries to shut him up, but fails, so he thanks David for bringing this to his attention and says he can leave it to him now; thank you, that's enough. David asks incredulously if he is telling him to shut up, and Justin says he wouldn't be so rude. Now if David wouldn't mind, he needs a few words with Kirsty. David says that he bets he does, but leaves anyway, slamming the door behind him. Justin announces that he just doesn't see how Kirsty and Rex could have been so stupid. Kirsty claims she can explain, but he doubts that very much, and stops her praise of beavers before Kirsty has said more than 'beavers are the most amazing – '. He doesn't want to hear about beavers, not now, not ever. This crazy plan is over, and he's going to think very hard indeed about the whole idea.
David has retreated to The Bull to drink coffee and calm down, and Jolene is comforting him and saying she's sure it will all get sorted. She then turns his mind to other things by asking how Leonard is and saying she was sorry to hear about his friend; David tells her he and Ben are driving Leonard to the funeral on Wednesday. In return he asks if she is all right, and she bluntly says no, she's a twit, which makes him laugh. So is Kenton. She explains the situation, and David sympathises and suggests talking to Tracy. When Jolene says she hasn't the heart, he thinks she could try to put her off by talking about the downsides, and Jolene thinks he is right and thanks him. Only they need to be sure first that Fallon will definitely do the job.
Once he starts to talk, Brad opens his heart to Lily; his social life is fine, with both friends and societies. It really is only the work that is bothering him, and he is finding that very hard for more than one reason. She persists in comparing his situation at Felpersham with hers in Manchester where her social life was messed up by living with Russ miles from the university, and Brad notes that she dropped out. He has been thinking about doing that.
Jolene concedes that Tracy makes great chips, and, as advised, does her best to put Tracy off the idea of doing the job full-time. Tracy initially argues her case, then realises what Jolene is up to, saying that she's not stupid and can tell Jolene wants Fallon to do it. She is aware she bulldozed her way in and didn't give Jolene a chance to think about it, and if she were in Jolene's shoes she'd sack Tracy without a second thought. Jolene protests that no-one is sacking her, and Tracy says she'll be quite happy with her normal bar shifts: the chef's job should go to Fallon. Jolene thanks her wholeheartedly.
In a concerned voice, Lily asks if Mia knows how Brad feels, and how Mia is doing. He has gathered that she is having the time of her life, loving the course and making loads of new friends. Lily asks if she has a boyfriend, and whether she would tell Brad if she had. He thinks she would, and anyway this has nothing to do with Mia: they decided to split up so they would both have permission to explore the opportunities being at uni brings to live their lives. It was the right thing and he's not pining. It's just that the bit of life he's living is harder than he thought, he says, slightly brokenly. Lily implores him not to drop out, or at least not yet. He says he doesn't know what to do. He loves maths, it's just – it's so hard! Lily wants him to give it another term at least, or half a term, it's stressful now because of the assessments, but in a couple of weeks... Brad tells her kindly that he knows she is trying to help, and she tells him there are other people who can help too: he should talk to his tutors, ask his new mates, 'there are whole departments of people put in place for this exact purpose' [sic. Is this Lily or a university handbook? Chris] so try talking to them before he does anything final. Brad remarks that he is no good at talking to people he doesn't know, so Lily asks about his family and is told that he can't talk to his mum: he's meant to be being brilliant all the time. She falls back on Jazzer, and Brad perks up and says he's been great but he never went to uni so he doesn't really get it, any more than Mum does, so, no, he's on his own. He'll either have to drop out or find a way through for himself. Lily anxiously asks if that is really the best way, and Brad says it is for him. He'll give it till week five. Lily concedes that it's his decision, and he says yeah, it is. He's going to be fine. He will. He'll be fine.
Summarised by Chris Ghoti
Scarlett, Brad and Harrison speak their truths; will Harrison's get him into trouble?
Characters: Harrison,
Inspector Norris, Tracy, Fallon,
Lily, Scarlett, Brad
Credited
scriptwriter: Shaun McKenna
Director:
Peter Leslie Wild
Editor: Jeremy Howe
Because they were the nearest car, Harrison and Inspector Norris respond to a call on their way back from the prison. Harrison offers to drop her off at the station first but she is quite keen to do a routine call-out in 'a miserable part of town' where they get a lot of domestics: it makes him glad he and Fallon live in Ambridge. She asks if everything is good with him and he hasn't found being back full-time too challenging; he makes a joke about it, then says the address is just round the next corner. Norris confirms – number 47, top flat, reports of a breach of the peace from downstairs neighbour. Harrison has been to that address before and thinks they have a child; Norris says there is no report of violence. As they pull up the Inspector sees the child on the wall, and sends Harrison to talk to her while Norris goes in to talk to the parents.
Fallon is at The Bull to run menu ideas past Jolene, and pauses to thank Tracy, but Tracy won't allow it: of course Fallon should stand in while her dad's away, and she'll be fantastic. Lily then wants to be served and Tracy goes to get her an orange juice. Lily would like something stronger but needs to revise, though she just needed a change of scenery. Since Tracy mentions Brad sitting in his room all day working, and then asks if he is doing all right at Grey Gables, Lily feels free to discuss Brad with her, though when Tracy asks if Brad has said something she gets a not-terribly-convincing 'no, no'. Tracy is sure he can't be having trouble with the work, because he is so clever, and Lily tactfully tells her that yew-knee can take some adjusting to, though, it's a different world, before going to grab a seat by the window to read in.
Left to himself, Harrison approaches the child, tells her his name and laboriously strikes up a conversation with her, hampered by the fact that she doesn't in the least want to talk to him and has a low opinion of 'pigs', which is what Reece, her mother's boyfriend, calls the police. He manages to establish that her name is Scarlett and that the wall is where she comes when Reece shouts, which he does a lot, and that Reece hates the old woman downstairs who reported him; that also happens a lot. Reece is not Scarlett's father, she has no aunts, uncles or grandparents, and she can recognise covert suggestions about talking to social workers with no problem whatever.
Because of Lily's broad hints, Tracy has gone to interrogate Brad in his room, and elicits the information that he is reading about Lagrange derivatives and it's really hard, in fact it's all hard. Tracy asks if everything is OK at uni, and in a despairing way he tells her that he can't do it. He's really struggling. Tracy is concerned: why hasn't he said before? He says he doesn't want to let everyone down, and Tracy assures him there is no way he could ever let her down [last time she said that, to her other child, Chelsea announced her pregnancy. Gus]: whatever he does and whatever he wants is good enough for her. If her boasting about him has put him under pressure, she's really sorry. Brad tells her dolefully that it has, it does, and she immediately says she'll stop; he laughs and tells her she won't be able to. She laughs too and says she'll do her best, anyway, which is all she can do. After this brief lightening of his mood Brad reverts to gloom and tells her he thinks he's going to quit.
It seems that Scarlett got gloves for Christmas, purple (or lilac); she wanted pink. The inspector comes back out and tells Scarlett she can go back in and her mum is waiting for her, but she doesn't want to until she is told that Reece has gone to stay with friends for a few days. After she has gone back in with a policewoman called Sandy, Harrison vents his anger at her mistreatment: she got meagre Christmas presents but Reece can afford to drink and smoke. He says the parents should be arrested, and when his boss very reasonably asks on what grounds, he starts criticising 'procedure' because he thinks Scarlett is at risk. He starts to have a rant about it, and flounces off [presumably with the car keys. Chris], leaving his inspector shouting after him that he is not to walk away from her.
Tracy has come back with some cheese on toast for Brad, and has something she has to tell him: if he wants to leave uni she'll support him. She just wants him to consider all the possibilities first. He says that he has, and she tells him she has thought of something: they could get him a tutor. He says they can't afford it, but she is determined they can. He is touched and grateful, and they are in harmony with each other until Lily rings him up and he realises that she has been talking to Tracy, and says disgustedly that she always sticks her nose in and doesn't want to talk to her, so Tracy seizes his phone and answers it, then hands it to him and instructs him to talk to Lily. Then, because he is clearly not going to talk with her there, she leaves him to his call. Lily has rung to tell him she's sent him a link with all the numbers for Felpersham yew-knee student support; she knows a couple of people who work there and they are lovely. He accuses her of talking to his mum. and she admits she dropped a hint but didn't give her any details. She worries that Brad is angry with her, he says that he isn't and she tells him that she meant it for the best. He knows, and he supposes that he doesn't really want to leave uni; he's just going to have to find a way to make it work, isn't he.
When Harrison gets home he immediately learns that Fallon has had a brilliant day, and she tells him she is 'so stoked' about The Bull, and has spent the day preparing and planning for taking over on Thursday. Harrison says gloomily that he's on a late, Thursday, and might not be there, but Fallon didn't expect him to be. She then realises he seems a bit deflated and asks if he is OK; he says of course, and, when she asks how his day was, tells her it was absolutely fine. She wants to be sure, because he seems a bit quiet, but he says that he's knackered, that's all, and his day was fine; nothing out of the ordinary.
Summarised by Chris Ghoti
The funeral of a stranger.
Characters: David, Leonard,
Ben
Credited scriptwriter: Shaun
McKenna
Director: Peter Leslie
Wild
Editor: Jeremy Howe
David and Ben are preparing to drive Leonard to his friend Frank's funeral; David has been under the erroneous impression that Ben was not yet up, whereas Ben had in fact been out checking the car. David and Leonard are chatting, and we learn that when he was at university Frank used to sport a maroon drape jacket and leopard print brothel creepers with inch-thick crepe soles. Very up to date. Leonard was the leather jacket and tee-shirt type himself, very Marlon Brando, rebelling against whatever they could find. It seems that Frank liked fun, and would have liked Ben's vivid-coloured car: he was fond of a bit of Red Leicester on toast, and it is almost exactly that colour. Leonard has discouraged Jill from coming home early: he's a grown man, and he can manage.
In the car David encourages Leonard to talk about his friend, who never answered the phone and whom Leonard has not seen since Frank's wife Margot died. Leonard doesn't know how many people will be at the funeral but bets he will be the only person there Frank went ballooning with, which they did all through the seventies and eighties. Leonard tells Ben the people growing up after the war weren't a bad lot, and when Ben describes them as Boomers, corrects him: David is a Boomer. Ben realises, and says, that Leonard is one of 'the Silent generation'.
When they get to the church Leonard finds the vicar, and comes back to tell David (who has been fuming about beavers, but silently until Ben asked what was wrong) and Ben that she says Frank's niece Gaynor and her family are stuck in traffic on the way from Rhyl, so the Ambridge contingent are the only people there. The vicar can only delay the service for forty-five minutes, and they decide to adjourn to a café she says is on the High Street.
Once at the café Leonard is concerned that Gaynor, the only family Frank had left, must get there because someone has got to say a few words. The vicar, who has only been in the parish for eighteen months, didn't know Frank and can't do it. Ben returns from a fact-finding mission to tell him that the vicar says Gaynor definitely can't make it, so they are going to go ahead rather than reschedule in two or three weeks. Three fifteen in the church, and the committal straight after, which gives Leonard a bit of time to prepare. Ben and the vicar have come up with a plan: Gaynor has asked if Leonard could say something at the appropriate moment. She has pulled into a service station and Ben is going to live-stream the funeral to her through his phone, and record it too in case anyone else is interested. Leonard initially doesn't think he can, but when David says that of course if he doesn't want to, presumably intending to finish that he doesn't have to, that makes him realise that of course he wants to, only his mind has gone completely blank. Ben wants to know what to say to the vicar, and David assures Leonard that he doesn't have to do it, but Leonard says Ben can tell her 'yes'. Leonard is will just have to make notes on some clean serviettes.
When it comes to the right time in the service Leonard, who is nervous, starts by saying that Frank Wellington and he met in their first week at Sheffield University where they were both reading civil engineering, but then realises his prepared speech is to no purpose: why is he giving them facts when they no longer matter? What matters is Frank, who knows what happened in his life: he was there. Leonard has no idea what things have been like for Frank in recent years because he's barely spoken to him, so if he says something it's got to be about the person he remembers. He then talks about how inappropriate it is that Frank was part of the Silent generation, because they made a load of noise. They did their best to make the world better, which they didn't manage but they did make it a bit different. Frank did more than Leonard, who was a naive kid calling himself Lenny because Lenny Bruce was hip. Frank pushed him into things such as chatting up a girl on an Aldermaston March in 1959 or 1960, and the girl eventually became his wife. Frank made him brave, made him go for what he really wanted. They haven't spoken in years, but knowing he's not there to speak to any more makes things different somehow. He always made things different, did Frank.
Afterwards David and Ben ruminate on what Leonard said having been nice, and Leonard comes to tell them that Gaynor is thrilled and thinks Ben a genius. Ben asks if he is nearly ready, and he asks for a minute if David doesn't mind. He has just found out that Frank' dead body was not found for three weeks, and this has shaken him. Ben thinks it awful, and Leonard says it's a bit scary, if he's honest. There were five of them in their climbing group, and Frank was the last to go apart from Leonard himself. Ben expresses his regret, and Leonard says there are good things about getting old, but you do lose people. You keep on, but sometimes it's hard to know why when you might end up dead, in a chair, with nobody noticing for three weeks. He pulls himself back from breaking down in tears, and David says he thinks it's time they got home; Ben shuts David down and tells Leonard to carry on, but Leonard doesn't want to, so Ben's professional caring is a bit wasted. He tries to get Leonard to open up, but Leonard simply wants to get going.
Later, back at Brookfield, Ben comes to call Leonard to come to dinner and finds him on the phone. David says it's hot and can sit for five minutes, then praises Ben for having been really good with Leonard today, though Ben asserts that all he did was talk to him. He likes Leonard, and was especially struck by him saying that nobody sees you when you've got grey hair, and as he is making fun of David's greying hair Leonard comes in and explains that he got a bit caught up on the phone to his son Simon, who seems to like his new job in risk management and (reading between the lines) seems to have met someone. David announces proudly that Ruth has done a boeuf bourguignon, but it's a bit hot yet. Leonard thanks Ben for driving him and offers to contribute some petrol money, which Ben tries to refuse; Leonard insists. He owes Ben for reminding him to say what he's feeling, so he did. Not the eulogy; to Simon. In response, Simon has said something amazing: he has invited Leonard to live with him in Singapore. And what's more, Leonard thinks he might go.
Summarised by Chris Ghoti
Leonard is offered a way out, and so is Harrison.
Characters: Ruth, David,
Harrison, Inspector Norris, Leonard
Credited
scriptwriter: Shaun McKenna
Director:
Peter Leslie Wild
Editor: Jeremy Howe
David is doing the silage when Ruth brings him out some coffee because she wants to discuss what they are to do about Leonard. He has been talking about Singapore ever since breakfast, saying what a fantastic opportunity it is. David is not convinced it's the right fantastic opportunity, and though Ruth says it doesn't matter what they think, she wants to know what they should do. They go to talk about it in the warm.
Although Inspector Norris is on her way to a meeting and too busy to speak to Harrison, and says so, he delays her by asking if there was any follow-up from Tuesday, about the little girl Scarlett. She tells him briskly that the reports have been made, and it is in the system; he must trust the system. He tries to go on, and she tells him to stop by her office when she has a window, at noon. The phone rings, he has to answer it, and she escapes.
Ruth's worry seems to be how Jill is going to take Leonard leaving to live in Singapore. As far as she knows, he has not spoken with Jill, and, when David says he can see why Leonard might want to spend time with his son, she sees that as reason for a holiday not a permanent move. She wants to arrange Leonard's life for him: he could start with a month or two to see how it went. She then hints that she hears a 'but' in his voice when he enthuses about his plans. David has missed that, and is impressed by her perspicacity. Ruth reverts to her concern for Jill, who, she says, will be devastated if he goes, and she doesn't believe Jill has told him that, not in so many words. She wants David to talk to his mother, but he doesn't see how he can and it's embarrassing to talk to one's mother about her love-life. He'll try, even so. As he reaches this decision Leonard comes in and says that Jill sends her love and speaks positively about how Shula is getting on. David starts to ask about Singapore, but Ruth interrupts to ask if Leonard mentioned it; yes, he did, he told Jill everything, and she said it was a wonderful opportunity, the kind of thing that doesn't often happen to people their age, and she doesn't want to stand in his way. She thinks he should go. Ruth has to question this, and Leonard confirms it, though he doesn't sound as overjoyed as one might perhaps expect. Jill is a lady and of course she would be encouraging; David suggests it is a big decision, and Leonard says that sometimes big decisions have to be made. Leonard asserts that he is happy as long as Jill is. David says there is nothing more to say then, and Leonard supposes not, but with a sigh: he'll miss her, obviously, but it's not as if he'll be leaving immediately. when Ruth asks if it is what he wants, he asks her not to go all agony aunt on him: it was a perfectly nice conversation and now they know where they stand. He'd better tell Simon. David suggests perhaps he could wait until Jill is back since there is lots to talk about. Leonard feels she has said what she thinks, but suppose a day or two wouldn't do any harm. He is now going to get some fresh air, walking over to Hollowtree; Ruth tells him to wrap up warm and then, when he says 'yes Mum', apologises. As soon as he closes the door Ruth says peevishly that this is a disaster waiting to happen, and they have to do something. [So much for it not being her business, eh? Chris.]
At his interview with his boss, Harrison is told that she has some concerns about him and will tell him face to face so there is no misunderstanding. She wants to know if his heart is still in his work, and tells him he must not get emotionally involved in his cases: over the last few months she has observed several situations where she thinks his objectivity might be called into question, often where children are concerned. He doesn't think that is true. She understands why it is but feels that he cares too much, and when he argues that policemen ought to care, tells him there is a tipping point and he is at risk of going over it. he claims to be good at his job, and she tells him that she has to ask herself, 'at what cost?' She sees a man struggling to leave his own personal concerns and emotions at the door; someone who is hating his job. He disputes this and tells her she is over-reacting, but she wants to ask him if he still wants to be a police officer. He is silent, and she prompts him.
Leonard has walked for longer than he planned to, and has been thinking. He wants to thank the Archer family for everything. He called Jill back and talked with her for over an hour, and she has invited him to live at Brookfield for good. He'd like nothing more. Ruth is overjoyed, and David concurs: they are really happy. He says he will sell his little place, or rent it out; he'll try not to be under foot constantly, but he'll definitely help out. Now he wants to take them out to Fallon's first night doing food at The Bull.
Harrison can't imagine not being a police officer, it's what he always wanted to do, and wants to know if he's messed up a case; Norris's concern is that he might in the future, and she wants him to talk to her. He tells her he loves the job, he thinks he makes a difference, but he just doesn't think he's very good at the job any more. He knows he was, and he knows he can be, but he's not happy. She's right. Now he doesn't know what to do about it, because he needs the job; they need the money, but honestly, sometimes he feels like he's drowning. Norris thanks him for being so honest, and he tells her it's a relief saying it; she thinks that's good. She's had these concerns for a while now, and she thinks the best way forward is ... He interrupts her to beg her not to put him on leave again, because that's just more hours for him to get lost in his head: he wants to work. She understands, and wonders if a change might help. He further implores her not to put him back on the phones, but she ignores this to continue her sentence: something has come across her desk, an initiative that she thinks might suit him, if he were interested. He asks what it is, and she says that before she tells him, she would strongly recommend that he does say yes. He says that he will bear that in mind and asks what exactly this opportunity is.
[So where were the revolver and the whisky, eh? Optimistic title. Gus.]
Summarised by Chris Ghoti
Fallon wants Harrison to go on the gad, and panto tickets are much in demand.
Characters: Fallon,
Harrison, Khalil, Henry, Justin
Credited
scriptwriter: Shaun McKenna
Director:
Peter Leslie Wild
Editor: Jeremy Howe
Early in the morning Fallon comes down and finds Harrison sitting in the dark; she asks if everything is all right, since he usually only wakes early if he is stressed, but he sidesteps the question to ask how her first night was cooking at The Bull and is full of enthusiasm when she tells him about it. She passes on the information that Leonard, who really liked the mango cheesecake, is moving into Brookfield permanently, and mentions that she thinks it encouraging that someone his age is making a new start. Harrison says he is making more tea, if she wants some. She says yes, please, and tells him she has a mega- day planned, going to the cash and carry before the lunch shift and making a red velvet cake for Pat Archer's birthday, and getting ready for all the bookings and walk-ins this evening. After absently telling her that she'll be great, Harrison reverts to what is important to him, that Norris asked to see him yesterday, and he asks Fallon to sit down a minute. [What happened to the tea? Chris.] She doesn't want to, because she hasn't had a shower yet and the cash and carry opens at seven, but he says he has something he needs to tell her. Her immediate thought is that he may have been suspended, because he mentioned Norris and looks as if he has the weight of the world on his shoulders; he reassures her that he hasn't been, before saying that Norris did have some concerns and thinks he gets too involved, especially around kids. Fallon asks whether he thinks that he does, and he says Norris isn't wrong; Fallon feels that it is understandable. He reveals that Norris asked him if he still wanted to be in the police, and, before he can tell her what his reply was, Fallon says that if he wants to do something else that's fine and they will manage. If it's making him feel bad, leave. They can work around it, they can work around anything. He asks if that is really true, and she goes on trying to encourage him. Anything is possible, she assures him, and if Inspector Norris is giving him a hard time.... He tells Fallon that Inspector Norris has offered him a secondment, to a special unit. It's very hush-hush and he can't say much, but it would take him away from Fallon day to day. It's really interesting, he thinks, and he'd keep his rank and all his benefits. Fallon says it sounds amazing, like a promotion, but Harrison says no, more a side-step, and Norris is very keen for him to say yes. Fallon at once says she thinks he should do it, and he then breaks it to her that it is in Yorkshire and he'd have to move there.
Khalil is trying to get hold of Joy to buy panto tickets, and since she isn't at the shop he is going to look for her at Beechwood. Henry too wants panto tickets, and they have forty-five minutes before the school bus is due. Khalil is also avoiding Justin, but when Justin does see him it turns out that his having given away Kirsty and Rex's plan to David is something Justin is pleased about, not angry: he feels that Khalil's honesty has saved the rewilding project from a potential misstep. Khalil asks if there is a reward, but Justin tells him that's a nice try and that he'll see him around, then goes into the shop. Khalil then has to explain what that was about to Henry, and admits to having told David Archer about Kirsty's plans. Henry calls him a grass.
All Harrison is allowed to tell Fallon is that the host force have cracked a big crime network and they're bringing in officers from other parts of the country. They'll be new faces, ones the criminals don't know. Fallon worries about his safety, but he laughs that notion to scorn: he'll be very small fry, and it won't be dangerous. When she asks how long it's for he tells her there's no set dates and it depends how it goes. Fallon pulls herself together and says Yorkshire is lovely, and assumes she'll be going with him, but he tells her he'll be in police training accommodation, single rooms like student halls, and it's just officers and no families. After a pause, she confirms: he's going by himself. He agrees that's the idea, if he says yes.
There is no reply at Joy's door in Beechwood, and Henry wants to go back to catch the bus, so Khalil takes his mind off the cold by asking him about Lee, and sympathising over the move to San Francisco, though his experience with a dad who spends half his time on the other side of the world suggests Lee can be guilted into giving good presents. Henry points out that Lee is not his actual father. Khalil changes course and starts enthusing about California. Henry tells him that Lee says he'll stay in touch but Henry isn't going to rely on him: he'll have to make his own plans. Suddenly, Justin shouts to them asking if they shouldn't be on the bus by now, to which Khalil responds, though quietly, asking if Justin shouldn't mind his own business. Justin asks what they are doing there, and Khalil tells him that he lives there, but Henry explains they are waiting for Joy. [And what is Justin doing there? It's not on a through road. Chris.] Justin has just seen Joy in the village, and when Henry mentions wanting tickets for the panto tells him that he's too late: Justin has just bought the last three for Mungo and Lilian. Khalil makes a bid to get the panto tickets as a reward for his grassing, but the most Justin is prepared to offer is a lift to the school bus.
Things in favour of the secondment are being laid out by Harrison, who has decided that he does want it. He then says he wonders if they need some time apart. It'll do them both good. Either that or finish them off, Fallon suggests; if he's breaking up with her could he please just say so? He denies that he is, and protests that he loves her; they agree at some length that neither of them wants to split up. However, Harrison does rather emphasise some time on their own, taking a breath, and says that something broke with the baby and they've papered over the cracks but they haven't. Fallon, calling him 'my love', says not yet, and then suddenly agrees that he's right, maybe they need something like this to happen, something big, and she doesn't hate the idea, she's just trying to get her head round it. She thinks they need time apart because if they carry on as they are they might end up splitting up anyway. This might be their best chance. From being doubtful, Fallon goes all at once to being enthusiastic about Harrison going, and, while protesting her love for him and that she will miss him, also suggests they don't need to be in touch every day. Harrison feels that missing each other is part of the point. Fallon says this is a very adult thing to do, and Harrison says it's hard, but they agree that it's right. Harrison asks for a hug. He will always love her. She responds that she will always love him, too.
Summarised by Chris Ghoti
Beavers in the balance, bridge on the horizon and well-being in a barn.
Characters: Kirsty, Rex,
Ruth, Rochelle, Justin, Miranda,
Brian
Credited scriptwriter: Liz
John
Director: Jessica
Bunch
Editor: Jeremy Howe
In a telephone conversation Rex and Kirsty are edgy, worrying about what Justin is going to decide about the beavers. Rex decides to ring him and try to arrange to see him. As he is about to ring off and do that Kirsty sees the unwelcome sight of an incoming Ruth. Ruth is definitely hostile, starting by saying they were expecting to hear from Kirsty and then telling Kirsty all about how unacceptable the beaver release scheme was. Kirsty is apologetic, and Ruth makes it clear that she expects there to be no beavers at the rewilding whether licensed or unlicensed, and is loudly incredulous when Kirsty tells her they are still deciding about the licensed option. She then reveals that David has told Brian all about the (aborted) plan last week, but is interrupted by Rochelle arriving and starting to tell Kirsty about Rochelle's morning. Kirsty introduces the two to each other and starts to say Rochelle is staying for... but doesn't know how long Rochelle is staying for, and Rochelle 'doesn't know yet' either. Rochelle, having been up Lakey Hill, has seen Brookfield and the rewilding land, and she and Ruth have a conversation about rambling in the countryside, in the course of which Ruth utters the words 'people need to be mindful of their well-being this time of year' [and tonstant wistener frows up. Cwis.] and Rochelle lists things to worry about. The upshot of that is Ruth and Kirsty telling her lots of things available in the village to help people deal with stress, lots of stuff going on though people don't always know about it. Rochelle is looking for Rex, and Kirsty is cagey; he just rang but she doesn't know where he was. Rochelle has tried his boat and sent him a couple of texts, and Kirsty says he can't be far. Ruth decides she'd better head back, and ominously tells Kirsty that they need a meeting, this week. Kirsty agrees to sort one out, and Rochelle, following her own line, says she is going to have to think about the different ways you can get your mojo back, 'well-being wise', and Kirsty suggests asking Rex about his running, which seems to help him.
Justin is needling Miranda about not having seen her in the sauna, but in fact she was swimming; she says pointedly that he appears to be loitering, and he asks if she minds him joining her. [Men always want to sit with ex-wives they heartily dislike. Chris.] He starts to chat about someone called Christabel having moved to Monmouth and it being appalling bad luck, and this turns out to have been Miranda's bridge partner for decades even though Miranda has been living in several different places during those years. Miranda waxes lyrical about Christabel's play and Justin says that he wasn't that bad, a claim Miranda is clearly keen to depress. Brian then comes up, in a state about the (clearly inaccurate) beaver information he has been given by David, about which 'lunacy' he attacks Justin. Miranda expresses interest at the mention of beavers, and Brian tells her that Justin was planning a wild, unlicensed beaver release into the Am. Justin informs him that this is rubbish, but Brian ignores that and launches into a diatribe about the damage beavers can cause. Miranda asks if Brian's story is true, and Justin tells her it is not, though Rex and Kirsty did get a little carried away; it's all sorted now. Miranda asks if that means they won't be having beavers, and Justin tells her that he didn't say that.
It's Rex's day for the telephone; he answers it telling Harrison that the signal keeps going, but the person who has just rung him is Rochelle. She says she hasn't seen him around the village, and he explains he has been flat out with the piglets, rewilding and life in general. Rochelle would love to see the litter of piglets born that morning, and Rex signally fails to invite her over, saying that he does need to catch up with Harrison, who is stressing about having had to give up the captaincy of the cricket team and not knowing who will take over. He'll ring her back when he's got some more time. He rings off, then vents a small sigh.
Brian has reached the point of threatening to take the question of beaver-release to the BL board, though Justin tries to calm him by saying it is not cut and dried; Brian says there is no way any of them will allow him to bring beavers to Ambridge. Miranda cuts in: isn't that rather a shame? Surely beavers are a welcome addition to the countryside. This causes further argle-bargle between Brian and Justin, in the course of which Miranda interpolates the opinion that beavers are useful for water-management and Brian insults her by suggesting she approves of them because they look cuddly and sweet; she says icily that she will make up her own mind, and until then they must agree to differ. Justin then stirs things a little more by saying he has to get over to the rewilding and asking Brian whether Miranda has told him that she is short a bridge partner. Brian is blank about this, and Miranda says dismissively that she is sure she'll find an excellent replacement. By claiming the game is the ultimate test of intelligence Justin manoeuvres Brian into claiming to be reasonably good at bridge before sweeping out with a breezy 'tootle-pip'. Miranda comments 'that man gets more insufferable every day', with Brian adding 'every hour', but then asks if Brian is serious about playing bridge; when he asks why he wouldn't be she suggests they have a test run at the open session at her bridge club on Wednesday. Brian seems less than really keen but agrees that Wednesday will be fine. Miranda says they will then see what he is made of.
Rochelle has now turned up at Brookfield, where she strikes up a conversation with Ruth. Ruth is feeding the cows silage, and Rochelle asks what they are eating, which is duly explained. Also that there are three hundred plus dairy cows and there is a bull in the pen, whom Rochelle thinks looks terrifying. Ruth claims that Hector is a big softy and then asks what she can do for Rochelle. It seems that after their chat earlier, Rochelle has decided to organise a well-being day in the village, with taster sessions; she has emailed Spiritual Home about yoga, and a lass at the tea room offered to do a movement workshop (Ruth says that would be Chelsea). Lynda checked the village hall, but it is booked out for another month. Rochelle remembered Kirsty saying they host stuff at Brookfield and Ruth doesn't see why they shouldn't use the Events Barn; she suggests Rochelle gives her a call later when she's checked the diary, but Rochelle hoped she can look now. She'll need a couple of hours after six for people to drop in and out. Ruth suggests 'Friday seventh February' from six till eight pm, which Rochelle calls 'perfect'. They have a Hassett Hills meeting there earlier, but it's free. Rochelle asks for someone to be there to let them in, and Ruth volunteers Ben for the task, saying he'll then be on hand if they need him. Rochelle is pleased, and tells Ruth that as soon as she clocked the accent she knew she'd be up for it; Ruth laughs and says she's not wrong.
The rewilding meeting called by Rex is starting, and he offers Justin coffee, which Justin declines. Justin takes charge and says the main obstacles to them reintroducing beavers are finance and local opposition. They are interrupted repeatedly by Rochelle trying to contact Rex on his phone; he turns it to silent. Rex then says that he and Kirsty still think having beavers should be a core mission; Justin applauds their enthusiasm but reminds them that this is a huge decision that the two of them have made considerably harder; trust is a crucial part of a working relationship. Rex agrees; Kirsty feels bound to say that Justin has his own reputation on that score. Rex tries to shut her up, but Justin says she is quite right and it's a fair point: this is very much a two-way street. He says they will be the first to know once he's made his decision. He'll be frank: it's very much in the balance.
Summarised by Chris Ghoti
Tom is true to form, as is Helen, Joy stands firm and Mick hits the nail on the head.
Characters: Tom, Helen,
Mick, Joy, Kirsty
Credited
scriptwriter: Liz John
Director:
Jessica Bunch
Editor: Jeremy Howe
Tom has come to borrow Helen's key to her house so that he can go and measure up his and Natasha's bedroom at Beechwood, but unfortunately it is on the same keyring as her car key and Tony has taken the car for its MOT. She suggests he could ask Joy for the loan of the one she holds for Helen. She asks Tom if he would help Henry with some homework about climate change, and he agrees to do so.
While the hot tub is heating up, Mick has come in to try to persuade Joy to join him, but she has a started a new jigsaw and doesn't want to. He wonders what Your Rochelle is up to today, and Joy tells him she popped over to Lynda's first thing but after that Joy doesn't know. Mick is a bit put out about having to cook vegan food for her at some unknown time, but Joy is sure she won't mind sorting herself out. Mick is slightly unhappy about her being impossible to pin down, but hopes she and Joy are getting on all right; she thinks they are rubbing along OK. Mick bets the kids would love to see the panto, but Joy suggested that and Rochelle didn't think they'd be interested, being teenagers. Mick indignantly proclaims that panto's for all ages, and Joy agrees. Mick and Joy are both looking forward to it: it's going to be a right laugh. As Mick is about to go and get into the tub, with Joy bringing him a cuppa and the promise of chocolate cake for later, the doorbell rings: Tom has come to collect the key. His daughters have fallen asleep in the car, and Joy offers to watch them for him while he is measuring up, but he says he needs to wake them up or they won't sleep tonight. Joy takes the opportunity to welcome him to the street, saying how much they are looking forward to having new neighbours, and Mick says if there is anything they want, anything at all, they've only to ask. Tom at once tells them that there is one thing, if that's OK: they are hoping Joy and Mick could keep the noise levels down in the evenings. The girls' bed-time is sevenish, and they really need their sleep. So if Joy can save any loud music, or if any DIY can be done before seven, he and Natasha would really appreciate it. Mick says 'right' in a very neutral tome, and Tom says he is sorry for asking. Joy assures him they are not noisy types, he can ask Helen, and Mick mentions that he likes his prog rock now and then but not loud loud, is it, and Joy, in a voice meaning the opposite, confirms 'never'. Tom (possibly having no idea what Mick is talking about) says that's perfect then, thanks Joy for the keys and says he will see them later. After the door has shut behind him Mick's comment is 'what a cheek!' and he then remembers that he meant to say it was a shame about Rex, who was meant to ring Rochelle back. Joy professes ignorance, and Mick goes off to get into the hot tub.
A lunch date with Kirsty has been delayed by a cheese crisis, but Helen turns up in the end and Kirsty has already ordered for her, so all is well. Helen asks what is going on in beaver world, and Kirsty says nothing, unfortunately, while they wait for Justin to make up his mind. Helen asks how they have ended up with Justin dictating the future of the rewilding [a question frequently asked by five million listeners, without an answer being forthcoming. Chris] and Kirsty's reply is a heart-felt 'search me' [whereat said listeners slump back disappointed. Chris] although she adds he does seem to have mellowed recently, though she is being very wary in case it's a trick. Unfortunately beavers turn out to be eye-wateringly expensive and raising the funding is going to be tough. Her news from Brenda is better: she's got everything sorted, so Willow Farm is nearly Kirsty's. Helen thinks this brilliant, and when Kirsty says the mortgage is pretty scary says that she thinks that having a mortgage is proof you're a grown-up. Kirsty asks if she has found anywhere, and Helen has a couple of viewings this week and has been surprised by there being quite a few places for rent. Seeing Lee's flat in the listing made her think; Kirsty agrees that San Francisco is a new chapter for him. Helen has started to pack up staff into storage in an outhouse cleared by Tony, her stuff on one side of it and Tom's on the other. Kirsty wonders whether squeezing them all into the house will really be OK for a bit, and Helen says insouciantly that she's sure it will be fine. Kirsty is doubtful.
Mick has been driven indoors from the hot tub by the crying and squealing next door; Joy laughs and says she did wonder. She could hear it from the lounge, though it is quiet now. Mick is more stressed now than he was when he went out to relax. Tom was on his phone and popped his head out now and then to shush them. Joy is forbearing about having 'little ones' next door; Mick is less so, and mentions that Helen's boys were as good as gold. Joy says they are mindful of Joy and Mick being next door; Mick is horrified at the idea of toddlers with tantrums and says Tom's noise warning ought to work both ways. Joy wishes him good luck with that, and says at least they quieted down in the end, but Mick still couldn't relax, and then he started to think about Emma Grundy and the parish council thing... Mick goes off to have a shower, and will then have a look at a wobbly slab out front.
While proclaiming that she is fine about it now, Helen is dwelling on her old grievance about Tom not saying he was going to try to buy Kirsty's house so that she knew nothing about it. Kirsty tries to point out that she said nothing to Helen either, but Helen reminds her that Kirsty didn't know they were serious and that is how Tom and Natasha operate: they cook up mad ideas without telling anyone in case it doesn't work. Kirsty cites the modelling, and Helen agrees. Then she says, when it does go wrong the fallout is much worse. It will be a bit tight with them all in house together but it is only temporary, and she is definitely not moving into Bridge Farm: she'd never move again because it would all be too easy. And anyway she'd never be herself, and how would she meet anyone? She needs to live her life on her own terms. Kirsty understands, and says she needs the right power-balance right from the start. Kirsty moves on: she saw Henry yesterday and was impressed with his 'Know Your Onions' project; she reckons Khalil has the same instincts, and has forgiven him for telling David about the beavers because she feels he was seeing it from the farmers' point of view. Like Henry, he's more a farmer than a conservationist.
Mick has fixed the slab so it's nice and level, and he and Joy see Tom coming out of the house next door; Tom shouts goodbyes, but Joy calls him over: she wants Helen's spare key back. Tom says he thought he'd hang onto it, and Joy levelly says 'did you?' He says he'll be coming round a lot in the next few weeks, won't he, but Joy says she's sure he will, but she'll still need the key back. He questions this and wants to know why, and she tells him, as one stating the blindingly obvious, for when the boys forget their key. Tom's saying that it will teach them to remember it, won't it, causes Mick to comment that's a bit harsh, and Tom scoffs at that viewpoint, saying we've all got to learn and they might as well start young. Joy tells him that if Helen wants that then it's fine by Joy, but in the meantime, she'll keep the key, please. Mick jovially points out that he expects Helen can get one cut, Joy says 'absolutely', and Tom backs down, saying, 'well, all right, then' as if he had not intended to walk off with it in the first place and handing it over; Joy thanks him politely. When he says he'll see them again Mick agrees cordially that he will, and, once Tom has got into his car and shut the door, tells Joy admiringly that she's no pushover and deserves a large slice of chocolate cake for standing firm. She feels she needs one, but then adds that people need to know what's what, to which Mick heartily agrees. Bit of a prat, Helen's brother, he adds as one establishing a great truth, and he can't see Our Rochelle getting on with him. He reckons that she is starting to enjoy village life; he showed her a map of Ambridge last night, including the rewilding and where Rex's pigs are; he still reckons there's a bit of chemistry between her and Rex, though he reckons Rex is the shy type when it comes to women. Joy's response is that Rochelle's got a lot on her plate. Which leads Joy to the question of the chocolate cake, but Mick's not finished: it's a shame, because Rex will miss his moment with Rochelle, and everyone deserves a bit of happiness like him and Joy, doesn't she reckon?
Summarised by Chris Ghoti
Rochelle is determined to get her own way, and Neil continues to fantasise.
Characters: Rochelle, Rex,
Susan, Joy, Doctor Malik, Neil
Credited
scriptwriter: Liz John
Director:
Jessica Bunch
Editor: Jeremy Howe
As Rex is working on repairs to a heat lamp Rochelle turns up and says how cute the piglets are; she then sympathises about how cold his hands must be, and proves to be good at finding screws he has dropped. He apologises for not having rung her back, saying that it's been manic recently, then asks how she knew where to find him. She said that she reasoned his pigs would need feeding in the morning. Anyway; Kirsty said he was into running, so she wants to know how he fancies sharing some tips for people who want to start jogging. She then finds the last screw and offers to help him install the lamp, since she has 'worker's hands'. When he says she doesn't need to, she tells him her only other option is sipping more tea with the village oldies such as Lynda, her mam and Mick, and minding her ps and qs all the time. She needs rescuing, she says.
Susan asks Joy whether she is OK to cover the post office later [has Joy got any necessary PO qualification? We have not been told that she has. Chris] because Susan is taking Neil to The Bull for lunch after his appointment with Doctor Malik this morning. It's just a follow-up and Neil has seemed a lot better recently. Physically, anyway; he needs cheering up, and Susan is glad they have the panto trip to look forward to. He's out of sorts and is dwelling about [sic. Chris] his birth family [the mother he lived with for the first sixteen years of his life, for instance... Chris]. For the first time in the history of the programme Susan tells someone confidentially that Neil was an abandoned baby – which you can't quite believe ever happens, what kind of mother would do that? Joy is less censorious and feels that the only person who would is someone who was that desperate: she can't see any other way. She must have been in a dreadful state, to get him all ready and put him on a doorstep and walk away for ever. This apparently convinces Susan, who asks how Rochelle is doing and says it must be lovely to catch up with all her news. Joy simply agrees that it is and at once mentions that she bumped into Emma in Borchester last week and she seemed a lot more herself. Susan has said the same: it's like Emma has accepted the George situation a bit more, him not letting her visit and her not being able to do a thing about any of it. It is what it is, Susan quotes Emma, and they just have to keep calm and carry on.
Ripping off the sphygmomanometer, [show-off. Gus] [I looked it up. Chris] Dr Malik tells Neil that his blood pressure is now back to normal, though they will keep an eye on it for a bit. He tells her that the dizzy spells have cleared up, and she says they don't need to consider blood pressure medication for now, which news Neil greets with heartfelt relief. He tells her the various measures he has taken to make his way of life more healthy, such as walking to work, and Susan having altered his diet, which Doctor Malik applauds. She then says that teenagers and treats are impossible to prise apart, and from there Neil segues neatly into not knowing his family health history in terms of blood pressure or anything else.
When the heat lamp is switched on Rex is not sure it is working, but Rochelle tests it and assures him it is warming up. She then tries again to sell Rex on her 'well-being thing', as he calls it. He says he hasn't got time, and when she persists he tells her she is turning into Lynda. They laugh together about this, and Rex tells her the drop-in is a brilliant idea, anyway. She suggests he and Kirsty could talk about rewilding, too. He feels that might not go too well with some of the villagers, and Rochelle at once starts to talk it up as an amazing project; this of course encourages Rex to tell her more about it, and she tells him his whole face glows when he talks about it, and generally makes it abundantly clear that she favours him. She then tells him that on Thursday at lunchtime he can show her the longhorns and she will bring a picnic; rather than jumping at this, he asks if he can give her a call. She tells him that she is actually quite a nice person, and he stutters a bit over telling her that of course she is, he knows she is – so she tells him she'll see him on Thursday. It's a date.
It seems that Neil has told his doctor that he has suddenly become a foundling with no family at all. He is not interested in contacting his birth family (if any), though she does try to encourage him. He admits to occasionally having wondered about them, and then shares various possible speculations, but ends by saying that he guesses he'll never know, and leaves after thanking her for the reassurance about his blood pressure.
Susan thanks Joy for doing the post office, and Joy says that Jim will be doing the counter and she'll be fine: she's done the post office before. [When? Where? Why would Susan not know that, since she is the only qualified post mistress in Ambridge? Chris.] Susan explains again that she wants to have a nice leisurely lunch with Neil, who comes into the shop as she is speaking. Susan noticed he was in the surgery for a long time, and Neil confesses that he kept the doctor a long time talking about his birth family; Susan is surprised, but at once repeats for him Joy's thesis about how hard things must have been for his mother in order for her to give him up like that, which Susan presents as something she herself was saying earlier. She mentions Adam having tracked down his half sister, and suggests that Neil might like to have a word with him, but Neil isn't interested. He'd rather stop thinking about is and just be grateful for what he has got. [Matt didn't want to find his mother either, but Lilian compelled him to; that was a disaster. Chris.] He doesn't think it's doing him any good worrying about it. He is looking forward to sampling Fallon's steak pie and hopes it is half as good as Wayne's. Since Joy's phone is now ringing, they get off and leave her to answer it, though they are still talking audibly as Rex starts to speak. He wasn't sure whether or not to ring her: it's about Rochelle. He knows what Joy said, but he tried saying no and it didn't work, and he didn't want to upset Rochelle, so basically they're having lunch this week. He didn't want Joy thinking he ignored her. He's not sure he does understand, but anyway, she's busy and he's got a meeting to prep for, but he just wanted to tell her. He rings off, and Joy sighs resignedly and says 'here we go.'
Summarised by Chris Ghoti
Beavers might dam the Am, but it takes Brian to sabotage the bridge.
Characters: Miranda, Brian,
Ruth, Justin, Kirsty, Rex
Credited
scriptwriter: Liz John
Director:
Jessica Bunch
Editor: Jeremy Howe
It is nearly time for the bridge session, and Brian is in what for him is scruff order, though he thinks he might change his muddy shoes; Miranda suggests he might tidy himself up a bit before they go by putting on a jacket. She implies that he is out of sorts because of her disagreeing with him in front of Justin about the beavers; when he in return comments that not expressing an opinion is always best when you don't know what you are talking about, she describes this as 'bravely put'. She claims expertise because she has watched lots of wildlife programmes, listened to a variety of experts and taken a view, which she is keen to discuss further; Brian snorts and tells her she has no idea what threat beavers pose to agriculture; they bicker for a bit, with her asking if he doesn't risk coming over as an old-fashioned nature-destroying farmer, and him saying that younger farmers feel the same: he's talked with Ed Grundy and found him to be against beavers for the same reasons Brian is. They both claim support from Helen [for what that is worth from someone who is no more a farmer than I am. Chris], and Brian drags in the herbal leys as an example of him being forward looking, thought he is too honest to claim he actually suggested them, saying instead that perhaps he will wear a jacket. He is also grumpy about Kate doing a free yoga demonstration at the well-being event, and feels people ought instead to pay to do yoga with her at Spiritual Home, though Miranda doesn't actually know if Kate won't be being paid for it and is dismissive of his concerns.
Ruth is conducting an adversarial inquisition of Kirsty and Rex, with unhelpful commentary about the pair's previous behaviour added by Justin. She requires them to tell her what happens if the beavers escape, and assumes that they will; Justin backs her up by saying that is not uncommon. Rex claims they can minimise the risk with the type of enclosure, but there would still be a complete contingency plan, which Kirsty explains as humane traps for recapture plus telling everyone as soon as they do escape. They do escape, but they can be recaptured and returned to their enclosure. (During this futile exercise in diplomacy, an attempt to placate the implacably hostile and self-righteous Ruth, Rex's phone goes off more than once, until he puts it onto silent.) For some reason Kirsty reminds Ruth more than once that she and Rex made a mistake, though she does also remind her there will be an initial survey to establish everyone's views and concerns even before they hold the consultation meeting. Justin suggests Ruth should be shown the area so she knows exactly where they mean; Rex and Kirsty are in favour of this, but Ruth is too busy. She is told it will only take twenty minutes, and Kirsty pleads with her.
Whether deliberately or not, Brian has mislaid his glasses, but finds them in his jacket after Miranda tells him he put them there; he mentions, again, that he might be a bit rusty. She asks him to stop brooding over their disagreement so they can enjoy their game of bridge; he tells her he is not brooding, he is miffed that she felt the need to disagree with him in public – in front of Justin, of all people. Miranda snarkily asks if he is unaccustomed to dissent, and he says that Jenny often disagreed with him but showed him the courtesy of doing it in private. Miranda says that sadly, that is very much not her style, [showing courtesy is? Chris] although she's sure he'll get used to it, and if he wishes to disagree with her in public he's more than welcome: there is nothing she enjoys more than some lively open debate. Brian grunts, and suggests they go in.
Ruth has been persuaded to come and find out what she is talking about, and is being shown the five hectares they propose to devote to beavers. She continues to snipe and says she will need to look into this more, but concedes that she supposes it's useful to see the actual area they are talking about. Rex and Kirsty emphasise how much beavers matter to them, and Ruth says they can't deny it risks damaging the Am – like the manure run-off all the time, Kirsty fires back. Rex uses his favourite line about beavers being aquatic engineers improving the health of the waterways, but Ruth simply says that's debatable. Justin calls a halt by thanking Ruth for her time and saying he knows she is busy and that they will keep her informed. She tells him she appreciates having been shown round, and Kirsty thanks her again. [What for is not clear to this listener. Chris.] Rex feels that went better than he thought [sic. Chris]; Kirsty knows they didn't convince her but at least she seemed to listen. When asked by Rex what he thinks, Justin thinks they should reconvene in the office after lunch, because he has finally come to a decision.
After the bridge, Brian is outside waiting for Miranda, who explains that she is not used to coming bottom and after his lamentable performance she was so ashamed that she has been hiding in the lavatory [she claims she was 'laying low', a solecism I would not expect from an educated woman of her age. Chris] until everyone had gone. Brian manages to evade a post mortem only by pretending to considerable ignorance of the game. He claims to have thought he did quite well, after having spent a good couple of hours genning up on the internet to remind himself of the rules. When Miranda remarks that he doesn't like being disagreed with in public but is happy to brazen it out at the bridge table; he says he was enjoying himself, and adds gleefully that her face was a picture when he bid that slam. She tries to hold the post-mortem, and it becomes clear that not only did he do it on purpose, he did it to avoid ever being expected to partner her again. She may possibly have worked this out when she tells him that if he commits to bridge lessons they may make a proper bridge player out of him. Eventually. He thanks her very much, and she tells him that he certainly wreaked his revenge with that little display. She thinks it's one-all now, doesn't Brian agree? He laughs delightedly.
Rex and Kirsty arrive for their meeting with Justin talking about how over-crowded the Beechwood house is going to be with three adults and four children in it, and are shushed by Justin, who is sending an email. He sends it and Rex then tries to apologise for the umpteenth time about having contemplated the possibility of beaver bombing (but not actually done it) and Justin shuts him down [perhaps he is as bored with it as I am. Chris] while saying that if they had actually done it Justin would have been finished with the rewilding for ever. Kirsty murmurs that it's a good thing they saw the error of their ways, for which flannel Justin has no time either; he tells her that what happened in fact was that Khalil squealed. Kirsty disputes that they would have gone through with it in the cold light of day, and, when Justin says he only has her word for that, argues that they are still there and the people they have upset most are their friends and neighbours; as Rex says, people they have to see every day. They stood firm because they know this project can work well. [They have done sfa research; they just feel it in their water. Chris.] Justin agrees that he thinks that's probably true, and that is why he has just commissioned the feasibility study for re-introducing beavers for Rewilding Ambridge. Rex asks blankly if that's what Justin just sent, and Justin tells him he did, immediately after he had submitted their application for a licence. Kirsty and Rex are vociferously delighted, but Justin isn't quite finished: before they get over-excited, he wants them to agree that this is a] a long term project and cannot under any circumstances be rushed however enthusiastic they feel, and b] that it is an incredibly expensive project that will cost them an arm and both legs, possibly more. They accept this, and Kirsty adds that they have to be realistic: this isn't a done deal, is it. She warns that they can't underestimate the strength of local opposition, and Rex says not if Ruth and David are anything to go by. And Brian Aldridge, Justin adds. Rex thinks it's going to be an almighty battle, but one which Justin opines is is worth fighting. He admires their tenacity, and then, while they are still reacting to him having paid them a compliment, he adds that one of their many rôles will be to set up a full consultation process with all neighbouring landowners and concerned residents, starting with that feasibility survey. Rex says wonderingly that they are really doing it, and Justin's reply is 'Yes, we jolly well are.'
Summarised by Chris Ghoti
Fictional origins, plus the Horville and Scene show.
Characters: Neil, Susan,
Rex, Rochelle, Adam,
Joy
Credited scriptwriter: Liz
John
Director: Jessica
Bunch
Editor: Jeremy Howe
There's another excuse for the editorial team to have Neil talking about their alternative early life for him; this time Susan mentioning Bert Horrobin makes him wonder if his father is still alive. It now seems that his imaginary foster-father Dennis was a big gentle chap full of warmth, who took him fishing every Sunday. Neil really loved him. So he doesn't need to know anything about his birth parents, because that's not who he is. Except genetically. He now describes himself as veering between nature and nurture all the time. Finding out would be opening a can of worms, and he's managed for sixty-seven years not knowing and is sure he'll manage a few more.
Rochelle has
turned up for the picnic she's having at
with Rex, who had meant to ring her to put her off,
so he tells her how busy he has been because of getting the green
light for the beavers from Justin. After expressing enthusiasm for
this, she tells him he can't work on an empty stomach and, when he
talks about grabbing a sandwich, tells him she's got a hamperful
outside. He is notably unenthusiastic but she says she's catering,
and he
must provide a
picturesque
location.
In pursuit of advice for Neil, Susan has caught Adam and asks him about meeting his half-sister Erin. She claims Neil has started wondering more about his birth family. (Adam is presented as already having been aware that Neil was fostered.) He is impressed when Susan claims [inaccurately: what Neil said was that it was a can of worms he didn't need to open. Chris] that Neil is thinking of looking for his birth mum and she was hoping Adam might have a chat with them. He agrees, if she thinks that would help.
Rex is recounting the trials and tribulations of setting out to break the law and being caught out. Rochelle says they are her heroes, and offers him the last falafel. She mentions having worked in catering on a luxury train, though not which one, and tells him he should go on one because the views are to die for. [She does not however say which train or what views. Chris.] Rex changes the subject and says it must be nice catching up with her mum, and she tells him Joy can be pretty judgemental; Rex expects she means well, and Rochelle doesn't reply to that, instead telling him she had such a great time today and thanking him. Why don't they do it again? Rex temporises: he's not sure what he's doing yet, it's a bit tricky at the moment... Rochelle realises he's not that keen and asks if he's seeing someone else, which he immediately denies, but when she asks what it is then he tries not to tell her. She asserts they are both feeling something and he admits she's not wrong, and she then drags from him the admission that her mother warned him that she is vulnerable. Rochelle rushes away saying she will see about this.
Later, at The Bull, Adam has decided that Erin was keen to see him and is telling Neil so. He also talks about the vicarious bonding he felt with his recently-dead father who loved rugby [which Adam claims was like Adam, who has never shown the slightest interest in the game apart from mentioning it to Erin. Chris] and had spent some time farming abroad. Susan leaps excitedly on this coincidence. It sort of upset Adam to think of him devoting so much time to his daughter, all that love... But none for you? asks Neil, and Adam knows that was selfish. [For ten years Paddy didn't know Adam existed, and when he did find out was told in no uncertain terms to sling his hook, so Adam would have to be pretty unreasonable to expect to have been treated/regarded in the same way as a child Paddy saw every day. Chris.] He was also unhappy that Erin didn't want to stay in touch. Neil thinks that a shame, and Adam has never been able to fathom it: why make the effort to see him if she had no intention of connecting properly? [Adam, she met you and Alice and Kate. Why are you surprised she ran for the hills? Chris.] But he remembers thinking 'At least I come from decent stock', and Neil laughingly remarks that he'd be just the same. Adam muses that he had sisters already, and Neil wistfully says that he used to dream about having a brother or a sister, like Susan and the way she and Tracy look out for each other; Susan reminds him she also has Clive and Keith. Adam gets up and takes his leave: it's his turn to help Xander with his reading. Susan thanks him for chatting with them, and Adam hopes he hasn't made things worse; Neil assures him that he appreciates Adam's time. After he is gone, the somewhat disconcerted Neil says he's not sure what he was expecting. Susan apologises and says she thought hearing Adam's story would help things become clearer, and Neil responds 'clear as mud'. He seemed to feel like he'd been rejected all over again, according to Susan, and Neil points out that he himself never felt rejected because he was brought up in such a loving home. However, he adds that as far as he can see he's got nothing to lose; he thinks he does want to pursue it. Susan at once starts to suggest possible courses of action. They will ask Adam about the website Erin replied to, and give it a go.
When Rochelle gets back to Beechwood, Joy has just finished hoovering her room and wastes her time telling her daughter what she could cook for her vegan tea. Rochelle is in an almighty strop and wants her mother out of her room; she doesn't want Joy anywhere near her. She shouts at Joy to get out, then starts on her for having told Rex about her, asking why anyone would do that. Joy responds to her shrill indignation in a calm and reasonable tone [possibly not calculated to wind her up further. Chris] and Rochelle voices her fury about the use of the word 'vulnerable', which she regards as crushing and humiliating when repeated by someone who likes you and is having fun getting to know you. Joy evenly tells her that she said it because it's true, which produces more shrill indignation and a statement that it is utter garbage. Joy tells her she can see her daughter is vulnerable because she's seen it before: she's drifting again, isn't she, with no proper home, no job ... Rochelle asserts that Joy doesn't know any of that, but Joy says firmly that she thinks she does, and Rochelle is clearly broke too. Rochelle spits out that it is called bad luck and doesn't mean she's a pointless powerless waste of space; Joy points out she isn't saying that, but Rochelle is a mam who's away from her bairns so of course she's vulnerable, and it really breaks Joy's heart. In a near-to-tears voice Rochelle says 'so instead of supporting us, you go and tell the only bloke I've liked for literally years that I'm damaged goods.' [This is when I ceased to believe a word Rochelle says, I think. Rex really isn't that special. Chris.] Joy protests that's not what she said, but Rochelle is convinced that's what she meant, and Rex knew it. Joy is sorry about Rex, but tells Rochelle she needs to stop getting distracted and think about Harper and Noah and being in their lives properly. In an injured voice Rochelle asserts that she is in their lives: she's always thinking about them. [And I am in King Charles's life if I think about him. Yeahright. Chris.] What does Joy think she is doing? Factually, Joy replies that she is visiting Lynda, talking about a well-being day, enjoying the countryside – which is fine, but please could she focus on her children first? Rochelle claims that every single thing she does is for them [She brushes her hair for them! Chris], to make sure they're all right, so they have some kind of future. Joy suggests, not entirely gently, that she needs to spend more time with them, and Joy knows it's not easy but that's being a mother. With a high-pitched theatrical laugh Rochelle at once asks what she would know, and informs her she was a useless mother to Rochelle, was she not? Joy doesn't deny this, just tells her that she can do a brilliant job: it's obvious she wants the best for those bairns, but that means being with them, showing she loves them. Rochelle suggests bitterly that maybe she's not cut out to be a mother, like Joy, maybe that's why she keeps messing up. Joy tells her all she has to do it love them, and she does, anyone can see that; Rochelle wants to know why there is only one way of doing that, Joy's way? That's not hers, OK. It's not her. Joy tells her that she knows she means well, and Rochelle wants to know whether she can't see that Rochelle needs something for herself, something to live for, something to make things better! Joy begs to be allowed to help her, starting by going to see them together, take them out for the day, or they could come and stay in Ambridge. Rochelle gets it now: what Joy really wants is to see them and she doesn't care about Rochelle at all and never did. Joy, shaken, tells her that she loves her so much it physically hurts sometimes, And as Rochelle makes derisive noises adds that of course she worries about Harper and Noah, because they're Rochelle's bairns! They're family. And they need Rochelle, just like Rochelle needed her. Rochelle sobs, then accuses: except Joy wasn't there. Joy promises that she's there for all of them now, but Rochelle is sceptical: what, so she wouldn't let them down now? When Joy affirms, 'never,' Rochelle wails that she just has: saying that to Rex is why she could never believe her. As Joy tries to reason with her, she starts to scream at her to go away, get out, get out; Joy, saying that she is so sorry, goes out and shuts the door behind her, while Rochelle sobs theatrically.
Summarised by Chris Ghoti
Which of Henry or Rochelle has a better right to behave like a fourteen-year-old?
Characters: Tom, Helen,
Mick, Joy, Rochelle, Henry
Credited
scriptwriter: Liz John
Director:
Jessica Bunch
Editor: Jeremy Howe
Although Helen is about to show a new customer round the dairy, Tom wants to talk to her about the kids' loyalty card being launched at Henry's forthcoming Event, and parking for it, and starts to do so, but she deflects him by pointing out that Henry will be back from school soon and can talk to Tom himself. She then thanks him for helping Henry with his homework – which Tom did not in fact do, but Helen rushes away as he is telling her so.
Mick is home
from an early shift when
it's still light, just, and finds that Joy is not in the mood for her
jigsaw. He asks if Rochelle has come down yet; no, though
Joy has heard her
on the phone now and
then but is not sure
who to. Mick has been thinking, and
suggests the three of them go to The Bull for some tea: nice walk,
neutral territory, talk it through? He's sure it's not that bad. [And
if perchance it is that bad,
Rochelle squalling about it in public
would be a really good idea.
Chris.] Joy doesn't
think going for a meal will solve this. Mick reckons he's got to know
Rochelle a bit now and she might talk to him, which Joy agrees is
possible, but what
would that change? He tries to establish if it's about the children,
and Joy tells him it's about them, and their mam, and her mam, and
what ought to be a close, loving, normal family like you see every
day round here.
[Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhahahahahahaahahahha!
Chris.] At that moment
Mick hears movement and shouts to Rochelle that he's making a cuppa
if she fancies one, but Rochelle has packed up
her dollies
her bags and
is now leaving.
She is not open to persuasion to change her mind, saying that for
some mad reason she thought she could get some comfort from being
there and she should
have known better. When implored by Joy to talk to her, she says 'so
you can judge us, like always?' and claims to have always been a
disappointment,
which Joy protests against. Joy tells her that she's her daughter and
she loves her, Rochelle says 'Hah!' and Mick tells her to give her
mum a chance. Rochelle claims to have given Joy
chance after chance; there's nothing left.
She asks what time the bus is from the village, and Mick tells her
there's no bus till tomorrow, so she says she will get a
taxi, then worries in case Rex is the only taxi free: she can't see
Rex. Mick doesn't understand why
not, and Rochelle
sneers at Joy for not having told him; Joy describes what has
happened as 'a bit of a misunderstanding', and
Rochelle says she will walk if she has to, and while Mick says it's
getting dark and she can't, Joy offers to take her wherever she
wants, an offer Rochelle spurns with loathing.
Mick steps into the breach and says he will do it; Rochelle seems
grateful and Joy thanks him. As he is leaving, he murmurs to Joy that
he will try his best to bring her back, and Joy says 'Please' and
then, as he shuts the door behind him, wails 'Please make her
listen!'
After getting back to Ambridge from school, and before he starts his homework, Henry has been packing veg boxes, and when Tom finds him has nearly finished them. Tom starts to suggest launching the card at Henry's event, and Henry tells him rather forbiddingly that he's got everything organised, including the cards, which seems to impress Tom, who asks Henry to send him the plan so he'll know how much space to rope off in the car park; Henry says he can email it to him but whether he'll read them or not... Tom realises that his failure to help Henry was noticed and is resented, and starts to stumble into an excuse, but Henry tells him dismissively that he gave Kirsty a call and she made some really clever suggestions [really? Kirsty? Clever? Chris] and gave him a whole page of links; Tom says 'good for her!' heartily, and Henry audibly supposes Tom is obviously too busy, and, when Tom says he wasn't too busy to read it, deliberately assumes Tom thought it was rubbish. Thoroughly wrong-footed, Tom says no, he just doesn't know enough about the latest research, and then digs himself further and further into a hole. Losing interest in baiting him, Henry says he has handed it in now anyway and needs to check on the goats; Tom thanks him for helping out and says he'll see him later, and Henry mutters 'hopefully not', and walks away as Tom voices a slightly incoherent protest.
In the car, Mick asks where he's heading to [sic. Chris] and then tells Rochelle he's sure her mum was just trying to help. She accuses Joy of slagging her off to Rex, and, when Mick says she wouldn't do that, tells him he has no idea what her mam's like. Mick mentions that they've been together a while and he thinks he does. Rochelle informs him, bitterly, that Joy is not the lovely warm person that everyone thinks she is, and Mick tells her that he knows they've had their differences but in his experience things like this don't sort themselves out without a lot of talking, and listening. He suggests they could head back to Ambridge. Rochelle elects to tell him that when her dad left, her mam was like an empty shell and, when Mick suggests it must have been a shock, says scornfully that she'd known about his shenanigans for years. Mick reckons it still can't have been easy, and Rochelle adds that when he left their life just stopped, and that's how it would have stayed if she hadn't took [sic. Chris] over. Mick says it must have been hard, and she ignores him in order to tell him what turn to take, to the bus station, and he asks where she's going. She just tells him 'away from here, it doesn't matter where'. Before getting out of the car, she claims that it wasn't until she finally left and got her own life that Joy got her life together. When Mick makes inconsequential remarks she tells him he wasn't there, and Joy has had a massive downer on her ever since, never a word of thanks, just this constant nit-picking and undermining and telling her what to do: she's toxic. Mick sighs and says she is trying her best, and Rochelle announces that he doesn't know Joy at all and, as she gets out of the car, that he should get away from her while he still can. He implores her to tell him where she's heading, but she says sorry, but that's her business. When he offers to help her with her stuff she tells him she can sort herself out, she's had plenty of practice. She thanks him for the lift and slams the car door.
Tom just can't leave it alone and has followed Henry to the goats, where Henry is just barely civil to him until Tom tells him that he is going to have to tell him what he has done wrong.: he hasn't a clue why Henry is annoyed with him. Just then Helen heaves into view with the traditional greeting of 'hey you two' and asking whether lasagne is OK for Henry's supper. She tells him she has managed to get him and Khalil tickets for the panto; he is insufficiently grovellingly grateful and she wants to know if something is wrong, so of course Tom says he'd like to know as well; Henry mutters and she says 'Henry' as an accusation, whereat Tom tells her to let Henry speak, and Henry does: Tom doesn't think the way he bought their house was actually really nasty? Tom exclaims 'nasty?' as if he can't believe his ears, and Helen tells Henry they have talked about this and they'll find a wonderful house and have a new adventure [and he is a six-year-old. Chris], to which flannel Henry mutters 'yeah, right'. He clearly does not in the least want to share the house with four more people, and says so. Helen has obviously forgiven Tom, but it's not OK to do that: they're supposed to be family. Tom 'gets' that and concedes that they should have discussed it with all of them, and he apologises; Henry clearly is not mollified but, when prodded by Helen, he says he supposes he accepts Tom's apology. Not content with this, Helen asks if he's thanked Tom for helping with his homework, forcing Tom to admit that he didn't; Henry tells her that Kirsty helped him.
On his return, Mick reports to Joy what happened, and that it breaks his heart that two people who obviously care about each other should be at loggerheads like this; Joy says sadly that it's always the same, no matter how hard she tries. Mick has to ask: what in heaven's name did she say to Rex? Rochelle is really upset about that. Joy says she told him the truth; that she's more vulnerable than she seems. Mick asks what 'vulnerable' means, and Joy, misunderstanding, says that Rochelle is; Mick reckons that's not how she comes over, not remotely, and how's she supposed to feel, Joy saying that? What's Rex going to make of it? Joy wants him to tell her how Rochelle taking up with Rex is going to help Harper and Noah, and Mick reckons it would give Rochelle a bit of happiness, some stability; he's a smashing bloke, and she might feel more like having her kiddies a bit more often if she wants them. Joy is taken aback: of course she wants them, what's he saying? Mick declares that he's saying nothing, because he knows nothing, does he. But Rochelle is an adult and maybe Joy shouldn't worry so much. Low-voiced, Joy says that she does worry, all the time, about those children. Mick says they're busy teenagers, and happy enough by the sounds of it, but Joy is convinced they can't be happy without their mum around. She reckons too that Benny finds life simpler if Rochelle is not involved, but when Mick asks why she thinks that she says that it's complicated: they were both free spirits when they got together, and when the babies came along he knuckled down and Rochelle carried on drifting. She was always looking for the next challenge and didn't see that her children were the biggest challenge, and Joy is sorry, but taking up with Rex would just distract her. And this is typical Rochelle, by the way, because it always ends up like this: leaving the minute things get tricky. Mick wonders if she made things worse by scaring Rex off like that and surely Rochelle has every right to be angry with her for interfering. Joy repeats the word, then says she's not the one interfering here: Mick's admitted he knows nothing; he says she should tell him then, and she wants to know what the point would be when he couldn't understand the bond between parent and child, because he's not got children. Hurt, he tells her that wasn't by choice, and that he thinks he'll go to The Bull for his tea. He slams out, and she sobs her daughter's name.
Summarised by Chris Ghoti
Inevitable though utterly incredible success, and a lot of shopping.
Characters: Emma, Neil,
Joy, Susan, Fallon, Vince
Credited
scriptwriter: Katie Hims
Director:
Pip Swallow
Editor: Jeremy Howe
Emma has been sent by Susan to see Neil, and was worried in case she'd been asked to see him for something that mattered, especially after his dizzy spells and visits to the doctor; that it's simply the editorial delusion about being a foundling and now wanting to track down his biological parents is a relief to her. She explains that she's in 'that place' where you catastrophise, and Neil lovingly scolds her for not believing Susan when she said it was nothing to worry about. He explains that going to the doctor did spur him into action, then offers to put the kettle on. Emma becomes slightly tearful in her relief that he is all right, then says she is really teary at the moment and it's embarrassing; it's pathetic. Neil excuses this by saying she's been through a lot, but she doesn't want to talk about her, and asks him to tell her what's going on, tell her everything. Susan will join them shortly. Neil gets the kettle going.
At the shop, Susan has come in to ask Joy if there is any more space left on the coach for the panto: she and Neil have decided to leave the car behind so they can both have a drink while they are in town. Fallon comes in to buy some emergency provisions for The Bull catering: she is very happy to be her own boss again, though of course, as she says, in fact her mum is her boss. Joy applauds the way they get on so well together; Fallon says they do mostly but can rub each other up the wrong way, and Susan chimes in to say she and Emma can be terrible and ever so close at the same time, and Joy and Rochelle are probably the same, aren't they? Joy agrees they are, kind of, and then starts actually to serve Fallon, while Susan goes out of the shop. Fallon wants fresh parsley and is very glad the shop exists for her to get it, though she feels it's a bit tough for Joy, working on a Sunday. Joy says she doesn't mind: Mick is away for the weekend so she'd be all on her own anyway. When Fallon mentions Rochelle, Joy says she's not around this weekend and asks if she can help Fallon find anything else. Yes, ginger biscuits.
Neil recounts to Emma the progress of his enquiries about his 'birth family' thus far, and tells her that because it could take months to go down the social services route, Susan put a message on a website, and now they'll have to wait and see. Emma is all in favour of them having made a start, and doesn't mind their having done so without consulting her first because she and Chris just want whatever Neil wants; she thinks it's brilliant that he finally feels ready. Neil intends to try all avenues, including social services [who will be able to tell him what? That his birth was registered, and that he was housed in various children's homes and then fostered? He 'knows' that already. Chris]; Emma asks why he didn't do it before. She never really understood what stopped him looking. 'Even when she was a kid' she used to think she would go looking if it was her because she'd want to know her mum and know why she'd abandoned her. Neil points out that he'd had a mum and dad and had love, but Emma is interested in the mystery of it. Neil was afraid to find out, really: who leaves a baby on a doorstep? Someone in trouble, someone mentally or physically in a bad way. But his darkest fear was not who his mum was, but who's his dad: what if he was not a good person, what if Neil's conception was [he becomes upset, and clearly is worried about rape, which is a pretty silly conclusion to leap to when we're talking about 1957; paternity could not be proved and a frightened seventeen-year-old lad could just deny everything and leave the girl to cope alone. Chris] well, you know, because that, that's a reason, isn't it. He couldn't bear the idea of that, his biological father being that kind of man, because what does that make him? Emma reassures him: one of the kindest men on the planet. Anyway, he goes on, time's passing, and it may be now or never, and he can cope with the truth now.
Fallon is back at the shop again for some wholegrain mustard; she is planning to rearrange the kitchen completely because her dad's system seems a bit whacky, to put it politely. As she is finding the mustard (which costs two sixty-five), Vince breezes in to get the Sunday paper he prefers over the one Elizabeth has delivered, and asks if it is true Harrison isn't going to captain the cricket team next season. When Fallon says it is true, he says that's interesting, which word he repeats three times until Joy asks why. He assumes she means why is it interesting, but no: she means why is Harrison not being captain; Fallon explains he's got a lot on at work. Vince asks if she knows whether they've got anyone else lined up, but she doesn't, and she has to get back: she's meant to be serving up roast dinners at The Bull in an hour; she suggests Vince could come in and have one. She rushes away again, and Vince confides to Joy that he used to be a hell of a cricket player back in the day.
Susan gets in and tells Neil the coach trip is all sorted out, and Emma has to go; before she does she tells Neil she thinks what he's doing is brilliant, and really brave. Susan agrees that it is, and Emma says it's exciting too, and asks him to let her know if he hears anything. Her parents promise they will, even if Neil thinks it's unlikely.
Vince loiters for a chat, and buys his paper by card; he says he'd love to get his whites on again and be cricket captain for Ambridge. Joy suggests maybe he should put himself forward, and Vince, in faux humility, says they probably want someone younger. But he'll bring experience, even though his joints aren't what they were. They both have ropey knees, and Joy says she feels that knees are like windows: windows are the first thing to go in a house because they're so easily damaged. Vince dubiously claims he knows what she means, and tells her he doesn't think she's mad when she says that he must do. He then wants to pick her brains about the trip to the panto: he is thinking of doing one for a works outing.
Neil suggests that Susan could check the website again, but thinks he has probably left it too late: his parents have to be in their late eighties, at least. She is preparing the evening meal, and points out that she only left the message on Friday so there hasn't been a lot of time. He says maybe not wanting to get his hopes up is one of the reasons he hasn't done anything about it before, not being able to face the disappointment, but, while he is debating the matter aloud, she does go and check, and finds that they've got a reply.
Summarised by Chris Ghoti
Freddie nurses the pinion that impels the steel, and Pip is her usual tactful self.
Characters: Josh, Pip,
Vince, Freddie, Stella,
Brian
Credited scriptwriter:
Katie Hims
Director: Pip
Swallow
Editor: Jeremy Howe
Josh doesn't get why Pip is not 'on the side of the beavers' and Pip quibbles about the beavers themselves being neutral; he ignores this and reminds her that she was all for rewilding and now she isn't, she's siding with Dad and Brian against Kirsty, Rex and Stella, and it makes no sense to him. When she asks if he really wants her to go through all the negatives again, he utters the heartfelt words 'no, I really, really don't,' [much to all the listeners' relief. Chris] so she accuses him of just wanting to have a go at her. When he disputes this she tells him that he does if he's not willing to listen to what she thinks. He capitulates and tells her to go on then [curses! Chris], and as if explaining to a six-year-old she starts to run through the arguments against introducing beavers that we have heard before. Josh argues against her flat statements. No, he says, beavers don't cause floods but prevent them; Pip flatly contradicts this as 'a misconception' but tells him that anyway her biggest problem is the money: it turns out she doesn't approve of the rewilders spending a quarter of a million pounds ('a fortune!') after being hand to mouth all these years. Just think what they could do with that money! she tells him indignantly; he informs her that they won't get that money for anything else: it will be specific funding. She asks indignantly how he knows that – he doesn't even know where this money is coming from, and neither do they. She asserts that it's a vanity project and has got Justin written all over it. In keeping with Pip's own style of argument, Josh flatly tells her that she's just wrong, to which she responds that he would say that, wouldn't he. He wants Stella to talk some sense into Pip, and so it goes on. We are eventually spared further six-year-old point-scoring by Pip saying she has to leave at midday tomorrow to fetch Martha from nursery: Chris and Alice have both got stuff they can't cancel and Susan was going to do it but now she and Neil have got to drive to Southport, Pip doesn't know why. Josh reverts to having a theory about why Pip is anti-beavers: he thinks she's just doing it for Dad's approval, which Josh doesn't have to do any more; Pip laughs a hearty laugh at the idea of him not needing approval, and Josh tells her it's because he's more evolved than her, according to his girlfriend Nina. Pip asserts that if she uses that phrase Nina is an idiot, and that she, Pip, is a grown-up with a kid and a relationship [thus indicating that she no more than Nina knows the meaning of the word 'evolved'? Chris] whereas Josh is living in a house-share, is practically single, and looks after a few chickens. How is he more evolved? she asks triumphantly.
Vince is seeking approval from Freddie for a couple of things: the Valentine's packaging on the meatballs [eh? Chris] [boggle! Gus] and his pantomime idea for the works outing, of which Freddie approves so long as Vince is paying. When he asks Freddie to drop that into conversation with Elizabeth, Freddie is amused: Vince is taking the works for an outing to impress his mother? Vince replies that he didn't say that, did he.
Pip has gone to see Stella, with what she herself calls the spurious excuse of wanting to use the printer at Home Farm but in fact because she wants sympathy over Josh driving her mad. She tells Stella they have just had a massive row about beavers, which evolved [see what I did there? Chris] into a debate about which of them was more adult. Stella says the argument sounds ridiculous, and Pip concedes that it was but immediately claims it was Josh, not her. Josh then tries to ring Pip, who doesn't answer her phone. Whilst she continues recounting her grievance to Stella, Brian comes in and greets her, then asks how David is feeling about the beaver decision. Stella gently suggests they have all got to give beavers a chance, or at least let Kirsty and Rex get the feasibility study done before they raise any more objections, and Brian, grumpily, doesn't see that they have much choice. Stella says it will take a year and they've got to see it's done right, and Pip grumbles that they don't want it done at all. Brian thanks the lord she's got her head screwed on. Stella announces she is going to make tea in the office, and Pip's phone rings again. Stella tells her she ought to answer it because it might be to do with the farm; Pip bets her any money it's not, and Stella instructs her to answer it and then come to the office.
Pip's greeting to her brother is the single word 'what?' in an aggressive tone, which Josh describes as 'nice'. When she tells him she's at Home Farm, he asks why and, when she won't tell him what she needs to get printed, says it seems like she's just bunking off, which she of course denies. What he actually wants is for her to pick up some more lick from farm supplies. She says 'yeah', and asks if that's it. There's a pause, then he tells her he just wanted to say he is in a relationship; he has Nina. Pip automatically discounts and belittles that, and he suddenly tells her that he would really like to see Nina more and he is in love with her, so it's a bit ungenerous of Pip to point out the flaws in the relationship. She is taken aback, then asks if Nina knows how he feels, and no, he hasn't told her any of this stuff because he's pretty sure she doesn't feel the same about him. He thinks she just loves the life she's got, in the band, gigging all over Europe, and doesn't want to settle down with a chicken farmer, which Pip greets with 'more fool her' and what sounds a genuinely sympathetic 'I'm sorry, Josh,' and the admission that she feels really mean now. Josh doesn't plan to end it, anyway, and declaring himself might do that, so he'll just carry on as he is, letting their relationship die a slow death until Nina falls for someone else and that completely kills it. Pip mumbles that she supposes that's a plan, and Josh instructs her not to forget the lick for the ewes and rings off.
Vince has sought Freddie out again at work to ask Freddie's opinion of another idea: Vince as the new Ambridge cricket captain. Freddie, mindful that he is talking with his boss, is in favour with reservations, and says he has no influence on decisions like that.
Pip has gone in to the office and is given tea, while Brian and Stella remain in polite disagreement about the prospect of beavers in Ambridge. Brian mentions the safety of the Am, and Pip quite gratuitously [though typically. Chris] tells him that he can hardly lecture Stella about the safety of the Am when he poisoned it; to his credit, Brian doesn't lose his temper with her on the spot, merely saying that he didn't think she was in favour of the beavers before going away to see how Ed's getting on with the ditches. Stella tries to calm things down, asking what about his tea, but he says as he leaves that he is taking it with him. Pip then apologises to Stella in a grovelling way, asking if she is really angry, and offering to go after him and apologise; Stella tells her absolutely not to.
Freddie knocks on the door of Vince's office and asks to come in; Vince says of course he can, and that he was just emailing everyone about the panto. Freddie has come to tell him he has looked up Vince's old stats in the Birmingham league and thinks Vince could be great for them, having been a genuine all-rounder. He butters Vince up about being great for them now they are going up a league . However, he's not in charge; he says hesitantly that Vince is not an easy sell because he's never played for Ambridge, but he does think they need Vince so he's just going to tell everyone that. Vince is touched and thanks him: that means a lot to him. Freddie then tells him that the only significant potential spanner is that to be captain you have to live in the village, or near enough to the village, and he thinks they can probably get around that. He just thought he'd better say. Vince muses that Ambridge is a beautiful place to live, and Freddie suggests, laughing, that he's not going to move here [here? So where is the abattoir? Chris] just for the cricket. Vince agrees that he's not, but he can think of a few other reasons to be here. Freddie dubiously asks him, 'like what?' but all Vince will say is 'leave it with me, Freddie. Leave it with me.'
Summarised by Chris Ghoti
This is mawkish tosh.
Characters: Susan, Neil,
Nelly,
Credited scriptwriter:
Katie Hims
Director: Pip
Swallow
Editor: Jeremy Howe
Neil and Susan arrive at a hotel where they are to meet the person who sent the message; Neil, in a suit and tie and carrying flowers, is nervous but doesn't want Susan to come in with him. They are a bit early, but she encourages him to go in and get himself a tea or a coffee.
Inside the hotel, he approaches a woman and asks if she is Eleanor, Nelly he means, and she asks if he is Neil.
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I got this far and realised that I had not the least desire to bother any more. What's the point in trying to record events accurately, when the editor and his crew can arbitrarily decide to change what is known to have happened because it was broadcast for people to hear? Neil was not a foundling from Southport; he was born in Oxfordshire and he and his mother later moved to Birmingham together.
It may be that I will work out some way to ignore these lies and do only the rest of the programme, without driving myself into some sort of breakdown, but for now it is simply too much like hard work.
Chris Ghoti